Much of the time when film directors receive bad reviews from critics, some standard excuses come into play. One of those excuses that always makes me laugh is the standard, “People who can do; people who can’tteach, and people who can’t do or teach . . . criticize.” Well, I seriously doubt that most film critics started out wanting to be directors, producers, actors, or otherwise involved in the process of filmmaking. Sure, maybe a few critics probably only exist to fulfill a personal vendetta of jealousy against those who “do” or whatever, but I’d say those are the rare cases. Many, if not most, film critics probably started out as writers and/or movie lovers who, somewhere along the way, stumbled into a practical method of combining two things that they positively adore. That’s what happened to me, anyway. So, yeah . . . fuck the haters and let the critics hate the films that deserve to be hated.

Speaking of shitty films, last year certainly contained more than its usual share of cinematic crap, and the Pajiba critics actually had to work a bit to narrow things down to just the ten crappiest films. See which ones made the cut for The Worst Films of 2008.

P.S. Frank Miller, I thought we was tight. Sniff.

In 1965, the ominous origins of the Gotti Guido hairstyle are reflected in John Gotti Sr.’s first mugshot at age 24. However, even the Dapper Don himself could have never known that his copious use of Brylcreem would still be all the rage today, relatively speaking. Of course, his three grandsons — John, Carmine, and Frank — take their grooming rituals to an extreme, and, although their mother, Victoria Gotti Agnello, has once again lowered the family mansion’s selling price, no potential buyers have stepped up. Certainly, future homeowners are scared away by the mansion’s state of disrepair as well as backyard, which just happens to be the Long Island Expressway. These negatives don’t even touch the layers of makeup and hair product that are ground into the carpets, ceilings, and air vents of the home, thanks to the sticky residue of the Gotti Guido boys. That extra-hold shit can’t be bulldozed, and neither can the Gotti Guido hairstyle!

In the below exhibits, Carmine shows off his fake tan as well as the notorious mountain of hair product. Next up, Victoria Gotti (with her gawd-awful hair extensions) celebrates with Carmine at his 21st birthday party. For this event, Carmine was gracious enough to cover that shit up, but dude obviously took several hours to place his hat at the proper “jaunty” angle. Finally, we have the youngest Gotti Guido, Frank, who may possess the most understated version of the awful Guido Gotti hairstyle but has clearly made up for his omission by jump starting his arrest record at a very early age. Luckily for his future cellmate, Frank isn’t known as “The Gentle Giant” for nothing, mates:

In light of the above pictorial evidence, I hereby enshrine the Gotti family within Bedhead Hall Of Shame based upon the following, uh, qualifications:

Vogue on that damn Gotti Hair Style:

I don’t see any of these guys able to hold themselves up in a fight, they’d be too worried about their hair… all those hours. It’s like precision razorblade sharpness. You’d bleed if you touched it.

Variety’s review of “Growing Up Gotti”:

As for those aforementioned Gotti Agnello boys (Carmine, John, Frank), it is clear that the current hair-gel epidemic among young men continues unabated. But that’s the least of the crime: Like so many boobousie of the tube, they mistake air-time for fame, loudness for charm, logorrhea for wit. Upcoming entertainment includes birthday tantrums and overnight brawls in Miami. It’s obvious these boys need a mother to protect them from their producer. And they say Victoria Gotti’s dad was a bad guy.

Gotti Boys are Gellin’ Like Magellan:

How do the Gotti boys get that gravity-defying hair? Fans of “Growing Up Gotti” who have been admiring the three sons’ coifs and those who were wondering how they get them need wonder no longer. The mob scions go through three and a half tubes of hair gel every week, according to their mother, Victoria Gotti. “From the way she was describing it, those kids go through hair gel like it’s water,” says the source. “You could fill up a landfill with the Gotti boys’ hair-gel tubes.”

Now, the Gotti Guidos receive this dubious honour that is reserved only for the most atrocious famous hairdos and, generally speaking, those who could afford to do better: Robert Pattinson and his unwashed glory, Donald Trump and his bird of paradise, Brendan Fraser (who is still fucking with us) and his hair plugs of doom, Kate Moss and her errant extensions, Russell Brand and his STD-ridden rat’s nest, Viggo Mortensen and his product problem, & Tom Cruise, whose hair is the least fucked up thing about him.

For future study, the following are recommended: A visual field-spotting handbook called the Guido Guide (thanx to Flea); Guido music by Vinny Boltz; plus, a feature called “Guido of the Week” from GuidoFistPump.com. Seriously. Now, just for fun, a few videos of Guido dance moves are on the next page. See if you can tell the difference: between authentic Guido freestyle and the Guidotastic spoof. Y’alls feelin’ me?

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At some point in the not-so-distant past, Trent Reznor and his Nine Inch Nails compadres, just for the hellof it, dressed themselves up as Mexicans. Actually, Trent’s expression leads me to believe that he may have been kidnapped by four cholos, who wrestled him into this getup. NIN fans will notice that this piccie features a touring lineup from a few years ago, since guitarist Robin Finck and bassist Justin Meldal-Johnsen (who, btw, is a celebrity Scientologist) are obviously not present. Naturally, I have not been too thrilled with the potential CO$ infiltration of my favourite band, but, as a NIN fan, I realize that Reznor is the only official NIN member, which makes JMJ a mere (and rather dispensable) touring member. Besides, I know that Trent Reznor isn’t stupid enough to hand over his money to the racketeering scheme that is the cult of Scientology.

Poor Trent looks bloody miserable below. ¡Hacer una carrera de la frontera!

Imagery: A crazed fan at the NIN.com forums + my lame ass Year Zero Spanglish captioning.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Faux-goth, nu-disco queen. (UMC)

Denise Richards is a cocaine barbie. (CS)

Collect Kardashians: Prophylactic not included. (Ayyyy!)

Amy Winehouse is an attention whore! (CB)

Christopher Walken: Before he was famous. (SOMG)

Heather Locklear wins this round, bitches. (POTP)

Zac Efron to Vulcan mindmeld w/Johhny Depp? (GB)

Top 10 Fave Albums of 2008: What, no NIN? (PB)

Chloe Sevigny struts around in a bikini. (AG)

George Clooney’s been banging Paris Hilton? (TB)

The Julie Benz Hunger Relief Fund: Yep. (WIMB)

Supervolcano Killed Us All, & we never knew it. (KIsP)

Joaquin Phoenix Is Influential: Who knew? (IDWYL)

Are Romantic Movies Bad For You? Just ask your divorce lawyer, mates. (Time)

Well, I’ve never really been a Pete Wentz fan (nor an Ashlee Simpson one either), but I find myself just as perplexed as Firecracker when looking at these piccies. Damn, this is tough to admit, but Pete Wentz actually looks . . . rather hot. Of course, I’m not quite sure how Pete could go from looking like this to sorta-kinda sexy in less than one year. It might be the suit and facial hair combo, or it could just be the way he’s looking at her. On second thought, it must be the lack of eyeliner. Mystery solved.

Let’s shut the smartass vibe off for a moment because this is nothing short of tragic. Jett Travolta, the teenage son of celebrity Scientologists John Travolta and Kelly Preston, has suddenly suffered a seizure-related death:

Jett Travolta, 16, suffered a seizure at a rented villa where the family had been spending their vacation. Loretta Mackey, a police spokesman in Nassau, said that Jett had died after he hit his head while in a bath at the holiday home. Attempts were made to revive him at the scene of the accident but he was declared dead on arrival at Rand Memorial Hospital.

Jett, who had a history of seizures, was the eldest child of the star of Grease, Saturday Night Fever and Pulp Fiction and his wife, the actress Kelly Preston.

Frequent seizures are a well-known symptom of autism, which Jett has long been rumoured to suffer from. Of course, anti-seizure medications are widely available, but it sounds unlikely that his parents allowed him the relief provide from these drugs. John Travolta has vocally spoken out against all psychiatric medications, which sounds a lot like Tom Cruise’s stance as expressed in his infamous “You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do.” rant. In addition, Hollywood Interrupted reports that Travolta and Preston wouldn’t even acknowledge that Jett suffered from autism:

Sadly, the Scientology couple cannot even publicly admit that their son is afflicted with a neurological disorder, lest - according to the incontrovertible doctrine of Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard - he be labeled a “degraded being” that brought his affliction onto himself. Instead, the Travoltas have long blamed their son’s disability on Kawasaki Syndrome-related “environmental toxins,” specifically carpet cleaning chemicals.

Rumors about Jett Travolta’s disability have been floating around for years, but when no less than five sources (including a media rep from the Autism Society of America (ASA), an executive from Cure Autism Now, a major Hollywood producer and parent of an autistic child, and a Hollywood actor-parent) reported that Jett Travolta was afflicted did we decide to deliver this story. Scientology will not even recognize the disability, let alone the myriad therapies for treating it.

The CAN and ASA officials that spoke with Hollywood, Interrupted credited Sylvester Stallone and former pro football greats Doug Flutie and Dan Marino as celebrity parents of children with autism that have helped raise awareness of the malady. These celebs reportedly share their frustration with what they perceive as Travolta’s “denial” stemming from Scientology’s rabid hatred of psychiatry and judgment of those with psychological problems as lesser humans responsible for their own maladies

Unfortunately, Scientology’s followers are often brainwashed into complying with the cult’s prohibition against psychiatric medications, including those for autism. With these medications, this tragedy could quite possibly have been avoided. Jett Travolta, like all children, deserved better than this.

UPDATE: An interestng and relevant blind item has popped up.

Sometimes, I think that Americans are rather sexually repressed compared to Europeans, who seem to quite enjoy their nudity in a variety of public situations, e.g., saunas, beaches, subways. Then, I remember that approximately 95% of the U.S. population is made up of people who I really don’t want to see naked under any circumstance whatsoever. At any rate, Eli Roth took a break from shooting Inglourious Basterds to work in some some hot, sexy, naked, Eastern Germany sauna action. At least, that’s what one would imagine, but things seldom work out as imaginations would have it, no? So, after enduring some bizarre-ass New Year’s Day Special Salt Aufguss and a Eucalyptus Aufguss, poor Mister Roth then stumbled into a rather hilarious scenario:

. . . . [A]nd then saw one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen: naked water aerobics. There was a water aerobics class in the middle of the pool, right in front of everyone. And they were dancing to Huey Lewis and the News’ “The Power of Love.” I couldn’t not be part of this. So I dove in, so to speak, and let me say, after doing naked water aerobics with a hundred Germans, I truly understand the power of love.

Other highlights of this adventure include the phrases, “It’s naked, yet very high tech,” and “It was tits, ass, salt, and balls all around me.” Obviously, Eli has more than a way with words, so go read the rest, bitches.

P.S. Damn, German people are weird.

McConaughey’s White Ass & a didgeridoo. (OMGB)

Ooh, Inglourious Basterds got a release date! (SOMG)

Robert Pattinson: A stand-up guy with bad hair. (CB)

Ode to the Sandy Vagina: 2008 edition. (Pajiba)

Lindsay Lohan’s freckly ass wears a bikini. (TB)

Matt Dillon: Not just a douche but a fast douche. (AG)

Paris Hilton gets no love from down under. (POTP)

Jack Black is a good kisser? Um, okay. (GB)

Katie Holmes looks like crap & going downhill. (PB)

Noel Gallagher got right fucked over a barrel. (RR)

Katy Perry dressed slutty, like usual, on NYE. (IDWYL)

Kevin Federline: Put down the Cheetos, dude. (LAR)

Kathy Griffin makes Anderson Cooper blush again. (BB)

Drunk Famous People & their cocktail recipes. (CR)

Carmen Electra gets perks, relatively speaking. (Ayyyy!)

Dane Cook: Sorry, I can’t feel bad for that motherfucker. (WIMB)

Sci-Fi’s Badass Butlers & Vicious Valets: Don’t cross these bad boys. (io9)