I’m not sure I can stand the wait. The release date for Valkyrie, the Next Big Thing that’s supposed to save Tom Cruise’s none-too-marketable ass, has been pushed back yet again. Originally, you may recall, the movie was set to hit the screens this July 4. When some nay-sayers pointed out that people might not want to see a movie about heroic Nazis on America’s national birthday, the date was moved back to October—which, as the New York Times noted, “would have dropped it into the thick of Hollywood’s awards race.” (Why this would be a problem if the film were any damn good is a point on which the Gray Lady graciously declined to speculate.) Now the release date has pushed back yet again, to February 13, 2009.

Great idea, United Artists. Because an action movie with an all-male cast in Nazi uniforms is such a natural date movie that a Valentine’s Day release has megabucks written all over it. Actually, as the first link points out, primary shooting for Valkyrie still isn’t finished, and total costs (including advertising) are likely to pass $150 million before anyone ever sees this trainwreck. Right now, Valkyrie is shaping up to be Waterworld revisited, a nuke-the-site-from-orbit catastrophe that destroys careers and studios and leaves nothing standing. Of course, Kevin Costner was a one-trick pony with the emotional range of a kazoo, while Cruise is (or was) a decent actor with some impressive performances to his credit. Too bad that while the Scientologists were de-thetanizing him, they also removed his ability to make intelligent career decisions. No doubt the Scientology faithful will be encouraged to see the movie and rent the DVD, in hopes of recouping something from this disaster. Hey, it worked for Battlefield Earth, didn’t it?