Another case of blogging malaise has settled in, so let’s recoup with some silliness, shall we? Things are lovely today…go figure. As such, I’m going to articulate this crap off the top of my wee little head. As per the vishnu of late night television, I’m counting backwards because David Letterman does it.

25. No matter how persistent the person, certain phrases function on their own to make people leave you alone, i.e. “I have a stomachache,” “I hate you, and you suck in bed,” “Oooh a cramp…it must be almost time for moody, whiny displays of PMS,” or “Shut up, at least you didn’t marry a communist in a former life.”

24. Waking up in the morning thinking it’s Wednesday, but then realizing that it’s still the weekend (sweet!)….and then hopefully rolling over and finding a nice shag.

23. Astroturf, but not the resulting burns on one’s knees one gets from playing English footie or, on this side of the pond, things of a more mischievious note.

22. Guilty pleasures that merely fritter away time, like poker, magazines, window-shopping, blogging, and Target.

21. When you realize that you took your online dating profile down one year and three months ago, and yep, it is still down.

20. For the life of one’s blogdom, you have not been forced to do the same repetitve motion like the humping stormtrooper. (Does this create something along the lines of carpet tunnel syndrome?)

19. Blogbirthdays, especially the fact that you don’t have to buy gifts. Blogs remain content to receive a mere shoutout and even when their owners forget until a few days later.

18. Bloggers with biting wit, including half-pundits, smartasses, those who post pictures of their big toe, and otherwise clever writers.

17. If one cannot get any action, masturbation is still legal in all fifty states, most of Europe, and yes, even Canada, Mexico, and New Zealand.

16. At this moment, you are not reading a blog about kitty paw prints (the impromptu patterns function as the new tea leaves?), whether Jessica or Ashlee Simpson is the coolest 4evah, breastfeeding (people this is not complex stuff, so stop writing about it), or the latest fly fishing technique… (is there one? no wait…I don’t really want to know).

15. Sunday brunch, and now that I mention it, the ability to have breakfast at any hour.

14. Victoria’s Secret, because not only do they have sexy underwear, their jeans actually fit correctly as promised.

13. Instances where irony truly can be found and the laugh one gets when some people mistakenly label things that just suck as ironic.

12. Friends who adore you despite obvious and not-so-obvious faults, including adopted Sistahs.

11. Irish boys, since they definitely do it better. Those of you not willing to find this out from firsthand experience will just have to go ask Miss Va-Va Voom.

10. Unlike myself, some of you are currently on vacation in spectacular locales such as Croatia and the only place where cheesy is cool, Vegas, baby….Vegas.

9. Those little things we just don’t appreciate enough, like central air conditioning, indoor plumbing, Kleenex, microwaves, and diet coke.

8. Male friends who stick around even after they realize that the two of you will never sleep together.

7. Parody, satire, sarcasm, wit, dark humour, and the unclassified giggle one gets from reading linguistic creations such as Al-Sharpton-esque.

6. Variety in so many things…whether it is in regards to sexual positions, cuisine, literature and non-literature, and the wickedly splendid music of Leonard Cohen.

5. Pairs of good things that are not mutually exclusive, like peanut butter and chocolate, John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson, as well as the ongoing obsession of shabby and chic.

4. The existence of higher learning institutions that allow us poor and deluded schmucks to buy the right to put various letters after our names, i.e., J.D., M.S., B.A., S.N.A.F.U. (Wheeeee…….)

3. Sweet fucking mother of free speech, and its true defender and godfather, George Carlin.

2. The reality that at least a few of you have giggled, laughed, or guffawed in the past few minutes, and ideally, it was because you are reading this fucking awesome list. (Damn, I still cannot believe you lurkers read this crap.)

AND NOW…. infinite gratitute to

1. Those men and women in uniform, both domestically and abroad, who put their lives on the line every day for our safety and freedom. If it weren’t for them, one could never write a list such as this one.