Hmm. Methinks I’ll just toss this out into the ether - somehow, when the lovely Chrissy retired temporarily from the blogworld, I ended up in her organizational chair for the Diva and Men’s discussions. As many will attest, I am obsessive-compulsive, but not focused about the things that other people consider worthwhile. The important details often fall by the wayside, and today is one of those days. Apparently, due to my error, I handed out next week’s topic to our guest Diva, Pammy. As such, her topic and mine will be different from the rest of the group today, since I don’t have the initiative to scrap this essay and begin anew. Before I gain a drop of sleep, I must do some studying, and before that, I must return to photoshopping the same set of hands for the twentieth time or something.

“You thought that I would never see
What was meant for you was meant for me
I was distracted at the time
Forget about yours, now what about mine”
- Shirley Manson

Apparently, Shirley wasn’t having good sex during that relationship, while her fellow was definitely getting his rocks off, baby. Her frustration is all-too familiar for many women, particularly one with such a high sex drive as that red-headed spitfire. I can definitely empathize, for some days that is what I desire - I just want to screw and screw and screw. Actually come to think of it, when I do want to sleep with a man, I pull no punches. No playing hard to get here, as that seems to be the formula for reaching your destiny as a female character in a Maeve Binchy novel. That sort of “heroine” would be a weak-willed, gullible, and subserviant female who finds out after years of marriage that hubby has been screwing her best friend and maid of honor all along, including the night before the wedding. Screw that. Women pursue careers, pay taxes, and vote as to how these taxes are allocated [ideally]. A little sexual aggression is definitely within our reach if both parties feel it both appropriate and warranted.

What constitutes good sex? At bare (heh) minimum, one must reach *ahem* the high point of satisfaction, which of course is orgasm. In most cases, providing that a fellow’s parts are in working order, all that a man really needs to orgasm is pure friction, with only slight variants needed to make things interesting. As expected, women are more complex about most things, and this would include the notion of good sex.

Right, so ladies, how many times have you used a product that promises to naturally make your lashes look 300% thicker? And men, how many times have you used a razor that promises the cleanest, closest shave you have ever experienced? These products usually don’t deliver such promises, and most times we would rather resolve to buy a different brand next time, since complaining with the retailer or manufacturer of the product just isn’t worth the fight.

Such are the false impressions presented by pr0n movies in regard to what constitutes good sex for women. These ingenius works of cinematic art would have their audience believe that a woman should start moaning the moment that pizza delivery guy enters the room. Absolutely no foreplay is required from these actresses, and she conveniently climaxes a zillion times in ten minutes. The clincher, of course, is the gratuitous money shot, which is apparently supposed to trigger one more earth-shattering orgasm from the woman. If this stuff didn’t make me laugh so damn hard, I’d be screaming some nonsense about unfair trade or deceptive advertisement. Like the razor and mascara scenarios though, it just isn’t worth it.

I’m not advocating for humans to apply market principles to our sexual lives, since even a die-hard fiscal conservative such as myself won’t even dare to apply this to male and female inner psyches, a place where no economic calculus exists. One must be practical about such matters. Essentially, since men claim to never know what women really want, it’s up to the ladies to ensure a good sex life. This means that above all, if a woman is having bad sex, it’s her own damn fault for not telling the man what she needs in bed. Hypothetically, if our sexual roles were reversed, it is certain that men would speak up about their complex sexual needs. In fact, I can guarantee it - or your money back.

As stated above, Pammy will also have a take on this sexual discussion. For the actual topic of the week, do visit Cake Eater Chronicles, Just Breathe, and Villains Vanquished for the feminine side. The ubersexymasculine perspectives will be provided by Nugget, Jamseyboy, Phin’s Blog, The Project Bowl, and Naked Villainy.