Once upon a time, Donnie Darko was an indie film with a nifty soundtrack, some interesting set pieces, and a plot so convoluted and full of holes that Richard Kelly probably wrote the script on the side of a Klein bottle. The whole wasn’t quite the sum of its parts, but the film did have its virtues, chief among them being the absolute certainty there would never be a Donnie Darko 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Guess again. S Darko (aka Samantha Darko) is already in production, and the fact that Richard Kelly wants nothing to do with it, coupled with the absence of Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie Gyllenhaal, or anyone else from the original cast (except Daveigh Chase, returning in the role of Donnie’s little sister Samantha) might lead you to think this will be something of a suckfest. As will the plot summary:

The story picks up seven years after the first film when little sister Samantha Darko and her best friend Corey are now 18 and on a roadtrip to Los Angeles…. When a meteorite happens to crash-land nearby, Samantha is plagued by bizarre visions telling of the universe’s end and it appears that their breakdown was part of some grander plan. She must face her own demons and, in doing so, save the world and herself.

The latest news on this project is that Elizabeth Berkley has signed on, playing “a speed freak-turned-Jesus freak who is infatuated with her dreamy pastor.” Throw in fellow cast members Ed Westwick (Gossip Girl), Justin Chatwin (Dragonball), and Briana Evigan (Step Up 2: The Streets), and you have something that sounds like the Burning Man of suckfests. S Darko is headed inexorably to the theatres sometime next year, barring some unforeseen disaster. I have some scenarios involving falling jet engines that might be worth looking into.