All the coolest kids in the B thru D lists have lined up gigs hosting New Year’s Eve parties around the United States. This buzz leaves us wondering if any of these celebrities are worth the admission price. More importantly, we want to know who would actually last all night long:
| The Event | At Midnight | |||
| Jared Leto in Miami Beach | Raleigh Hotel is billed as the sexiest boutique hotel in Miami and sister to Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont. Upscale dress required. $225+ | Watch Jared wear parachute pants, totally kick some blogger ass and drop a few laptops into the hotel pool at 30 Seconds to Midnight. | ||
| Britney Spears in Las Vegas | 2nd Anniversary party of Pure nightclub inside Caesars Palace. Proper attire required. $250+ | Spears will mistake complete nudity for proper attire. Will suddenly recall that KFed shot the video for his |
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| Pamela Anderson in Las Vegas | Tao nightclub inside the Venetian* hotel. Business attire. $250+ including open bar. | Pamela to spontaneously marry nearest fisherman. | ||
| Dave Navarro in Las Vegas | The Tangerine at Treasure Island with Grand Master Flash. Fashionable attire required. $125+ | Watch Dave Navarro make out with Grand Master Flash as their respective balls drop. | ||
| Mickey Rourke in Miami | The Fifth nightclub with international sounds of DJ Nikolas. Fashionably chic attire required. $150+ | Mickey Rourke . . . are they fucking serious? | ||
| Jessica Alba in Miami | Setai nightclub with bonus hosts Haylie Duff, Hilary Duff, and Ben McKenziei. Sexy, classy, stylish attire. $300+ | If you pay close attention, you will experience Alba Ass Heaven. ‘Nuff said. | ||
| Wilmer Valderrama in Miami | At the Mansion with DJ AM and Travis Barker. Festive attire. $250+ | Anything billed as the “New Year’s Eve Extravaganza” must certainly include “Big Will” putting his dick in a box. | ||
| Christina Aguilera in New York City | Hudson Hotel in Times Square immediately following Xtina’s performance. Cocktail black tie optional. $175 + | Xtina and husband will have sex in public to quash those pesky marriage trouble rumours. | ||
| Carson Daly in New York CIty | Roseland BallRoom in Times Square with 50 Cent. Festive attire. $35+ | Revolting ex-fiance of Tara Reid at rock bottom prices? Let’s just watch the action in Times Square instead. | ||
| Tara Reid in Chicago | The Marriot thinks they’ve bagged a big one: “[Tara] is likely to stay on everyone’s list of most sought after celebutantes.” Dress to impress. $135+ | Poor little Tara cries in her Bud Light as she watches Carson Daly in NYC on her dressing room television. | ||
| Carmen Electra in Los Angeles | Paramount Pictures Studios with The Killers in concert. Dressy casual attire required. $125+ | Carmen will do the Electra Booty Shake and out herself by publicly making out with Joan Jett. | ||
| Chris Noth in New York City | Hosted by Jesse Bradford, Noel Ashman and Elisha Cuthbert at The Plumm, co-owned by Noth and Simon Rex. Festive Attire. $150+ | Who cares if this is the Official MTV Times Square Afterparty? Whereever Mr. Big is at midnight, that’s where I wanna be. |
*The Venetian is the ultimate in Vegas experiences that differs from the usual chintzy Vegas vibe. Softly perfumed air throughout the entire hotel, casino, and grand canal shoppes, along with the cobblestone walkways and authentic Italian gondolas make one feel swathed within a Little Italy. Gangsters not included. Damn, I miss that place.
10 comments
At the risk of being crass.
Saddam Hussein is hosting this year’s bash in Hell.
The Event: Normally hosted by Lucifer, but the Big D wanted to some real star power this year so he’s bringing in the Dick-tater himself. Don’t forget to wear your best Republican Guard dress “Greens”. Cover charge: eternal damnation, open bar included.
After midnight: Take your pick from one of Saddam, Uday or Qusay Hussein’s 72 Virgins to snuggle up with. From what I hear they’re some real lookers. Pretty much you get your choice of Helen Thomas, Rosie O’Donnel or Janet Reno.
Expensive Champagne will not help you to remember the words to Auld Lang Syne…
Time For “Reasonably priced” Champagne.
Any Fool who pays much over $25.00 for a bottle of New Years Eve champagne is having a good year cause they have money to waste.
Leave the Dom Perignon and Cristal in the cellar. Save it for when the…
I’ll have you know that Janet Reno is a very nice lady, although she broke several of my fingers when shaking my hand for the first time.
Are you sure that she’s a lady?
Uh, the Wynn is the only place in Vegas I will set foot inside of. And then only because they have the only Manolo boutique on this continent outside of NYC.
Otherwise, no, no, no, etc, etc. Would rather stay home, eat caviar, and have friends over, thanks.
Happy New Year, Sweetie Dahling!
I would much rather party with Mr. Big, too.:wink:
Happy New Year, Miss Groovy! Chris Noth is scrumptuous.
Bobgirrl, I hear Britney loves the Wynn, and it’s sooooo flashy looking! Doesn’t Ivana Trump own that place?
On the plus side, the Wynn is a bit newer than the Venetian and the Bellagio, so less germs are present until Brit arrives.
I just noticed you have a “male whores” category. And yet I have never been linked in this regard.
We can arrange that.
Ack, Britney’s coochie! Ack! Ack!
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