A Very Diva Christmas

Suppose you were Mariah Carey, and suppose that despite that handicap you could still form a coherent thought. How would you celebrate the birth of Our Lord? No need to wonder. According to the real Mariah Carey, you just put on a “Santa Claus-looking bikini, jump in the hot tub, and roll around in the fresh snow.� At least, that’s how she’s quoted in this article from the Sun. Odd, that Mariah would do stuff like this and still worry that her dwindling army of fans might confuse her with a porn star. Mariah continued, “Someone told me that it was a tradition in Aspen, but maybe they were lying to me.�

That’s a distinct possibility, Mariah. In a way, it’s reassuring to see that our current crop of celebutards are just as dim and clueless as the Nineties model. But Mariah seems to be more of a cheerful good sport about her idiocy. I’m pretty sure that if “someone� had told her it was a Christmas tradition in Aspen for anyone named Mariah Carey to get wasted on eggnog laced with roofies and have sex with the starting lineup of the Denver Broncos, she would have gone along with the joke.