John Stamos just cannot shut his damn mouth, and it’s obvious that his inner jerk would just love to burst out of the chronic “Full House” persona. In a recorded newspaper interview, Stamos talks about taking the Broadway Cabaret gig “[T]o kinda show people that I can do, ya know, more than just that guy.” Stamos then unwittingly illustrated this point by stumbling through the interview, and the next morning, he appeared on an Aussie talk show in a similar degraded state and proceeded to make rather inappropriate sexual remarks. In an attempt to explain away his behavior, Stamos has issued a statement:

“I was not drinking. I did not drink either morning. I do not have an alcohol problem. I am not David Hasselhoff. This is not a pattern.”

“Now I know that Ambien is an eight-hour sleeping pill so if you take it, you better get eight hours sleep. Do not take it at 5 in the morning. I do not take it every night, only when traveling.”

Oh sure, Stamos blames it on the Ambien that he mistakenly took at 5am, when he could have very easily taken it at 10pm, but, you see, he was busy until 5am. He was out drinking at a strip club. Bringing David Hasselhoff into this discussion seems like a real dick move. When Hasselhoff experienced his recent moment of alcohol-related controversy, he didn’t use the excuse of, “I am not Mel Gibson,” although it would have been nice to hear the Hoff use the term “Sugar Tits” in a sentence. Yet I digress.

John Stamos should have just admitted that he was out enjoying the local ladies, and yes, he was tired. Any potential awkwardness could have slipped away quite easily if Stamos had chosen to exchange defensiveness for candor sprinkled with a bit of humour. Instead, now he gives us the opportunity to watch a clip of his Cabaret performance as the highly sexualized Emcee and wonder whether this was mere typecasting: