There really isn’t anywhere to go from here. Using a lethal combination of American know-how, a perverse imagination, and appallingly poor culinary sensibilities, Abel Gonzalez, Jr. has invented the laser-guided, heat-seeking nuclear stealth missile of junk food—deep-fried Coca-Cola.

Granted, I am no fan of junk food, although I’m pretty live-and-let-live when it comes to other people’s preferences. But this sounds like revolting overkill, like topping off your bowlful of Lucky Charms with a handful of Gummi Worms. On the bright side, if you strapped down Nicole Richie and force-fed her a couple of these monstrosities, she’d probably look like John Travolta as he continues to come to terms with his inner who-knows-what.