James Franco is neither my most nor least favorite actor, but apparently the guy is quite the wanker in an all too literal sense. Franco’s latest turn on the screen is in 127 Hours, which is how long Aron Ralston–played by Franco in the film–spent pinned beneath a boulder in southern Utah before he proved himself the ultimate badass by hacking off his own arm with a multipurpose tool (not a Leatherman—sorry, guys; no endorsements). The movie includes a scene where Ralston spends a little me time pleasuring himself with his non-crushed hand. Ralston’s own account of the ordeal doesn’t mention anything like that, but Franco could relate to the notion:

When I’m alone, I do masturbate a lot. I tend to have a four- or five-time day. I don’t know why,” Franco admits, with a chuckle. “So, I probably would have if I was stuck under a rock.”

How does that work, exactly? “True, I’m slowly dying of exposure with my arm mangled beneath this boulder. But, viewed from the right angle, that’s a very sexy boulder….” You get the impression that James Franco could be aboard a jet with all four engines aflame, plunging into the Pacific, and he’d spend his last seconds of life frantically fumbling with his zipper and searching for Kleenex in the overhead luggage compartment.