The meme/cultural virus that is American Idol continues to penetrate ever more deeply into our society. Now the corporate powers behind the entertainment behemoth are trying to hook their claws into the next generation with Idol Camp, a place where kids as young as twelve can learn the skills they’ll need to become the next William Hung. FreemantleMedia executive vice president Keith Hindle explained the premise behind this terrible idea: “As in American Idol, the goal for our kids is to soar beyond their expectations; however, because Idol Camp is not a competition, every kid goes home a winner.” In other words, it’s not at all like American Idol.

Look, I don’t have kids (the result, I believe, of a protocol adopted several years ago by every fertile female on the planet), but if I did then sending them to a place like this would sound like an even more character-destroying experience than letting them sit in front of the TV week after week while AI bored into their frontal lobes. I might feel differently if I could send them to a camp where they could learn to make nasty, bitter, sarcastic put-downs ” la Simon Cowell. Better still would be a place where they could learn to make nasty, bitter, sarcastic comments about Simon Cowell. Although I’m pretty sure my hypothetical children would call that, “Dad” yelling at the television again.