Say what you will, Paris Hilton is undeniably entertaining. Her antics are a continual surprise, and without her, burger flippers and lap dancers would have no one to look down on. But what happens when she finally burns out and becomes a hagged-out, disease-raddled husk of her present splendidly repellent self? (A stage I expect her to reach right around spring of 2012.) No need to worry. There’s another Hilton waiting in the wings, already training to take her place. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Paris and Nickie’s 12-year-old brother Michael.

Look, normally I don’t beat up on children. But, seriously… WTF is wrong with these people? Not too many years back, Conrad Hilton was an intelligent, resourceful, hard-working businessman. But in the intervening generations, somebody must have stood way too close to a nuclear reactor. Normal evolutionary processes just can’t account for beings like the current generation of Hiltons.

The Superficial had a link to Michael’s MySpace web page, but he (or, more likely, one of the family retainers) was smart enough to block it. So we’ll have to wait a few more years to learn the gory details of this train-wreck in the making. In the meantime, if any of you parents have a 12-year-old who’s giving you grief, just look at this picture and tell yourselves, “It could be worse. Much, much worse.”