Well, you can all go back to eating regular meals and sleeping more than two hours a night, because the suspense is over. The legendary Kim Kardashian sex tape, which didn’t exist in the first place, then wasn’t for sale, and certainly didn’t feature any golden shower action, has been sold to Vivid Video, and will be released to the public February 28. And yes, Kim gets wet and wild. Best Week Ever has a profile of this Paris Hilton BFF. Without spoiling BWE’s story, let’s just say this babe sounds like a serious contender for top honors in the Celebutard Skank-O-Rama who can give Paris, Britney and Lindsay some real competition. She is, so to speak, going for the gold. Vivid already has a dedicated website up, along with a trailer of this erotic masterpiece. I haven’t seen it, because it requires QuickTime to play, which I have not got on this computer. Nevertheless, I think that over time I can come to terms with this loss and go on to lead a rich, full, and in many ways rewarding life.

You know the worst thing about this story? Some time in the very near future, some male or female attention whore is going to make a bid for fame that out-sleazes this one. What that might be doesn’t even bear thinking about.