You just gotta love the competitive nature of the news networks in their almighty battle for ratings. Poor Ozzy Osbourne, who can barely stand up to urinate and once attended rehab under the impression there would be a bar, has been enlisted as a ratings tool by CNN. Newsanchor Anderson Cooper, who is apparently quite lenient in his definition of “celebrity announcer” brought Ozzy onto his program for an audition of sorts:

We have a finalist in our search for the Voice of 360. Ever since NBC hired Michael Douglas to introduce their nightly newscast, we have been auditioning people as well. It’s been an epic search, spanning the world, utilizing the full global resources of CNN.

Meanwhile, the notion of Ozzy Osbourne, the prince of fucking darkness, as a mainstream cable news anchor has sent some hardcore borderline psychotic Ozzy fans into a panic. They seek to bring him back from the abyss with emphatic pleas such as the following characterization found on Ozzy’s website fan forum:

Don’t do it Ozzy! CNN is a criminal organization. CNN helped place the images of a plane on the WTC videos on 9/11. CNN participated in mass murder. NO PLANES HIT THE TOWERS. It was a lie orchestrated in part by CNN. Watch ‘September Clues’ at [url omitted] and look at the video analysis at [url omitted]. 9/11 was a CNN/NBC/ABC/CBS/FOX job!

How darling! Check out the video of Ozzy’s so-called audition here.