Score another blow for political correctness—and here, “political correctnessâ€? is my non-hurtful euphemism for frothing, ass-hatted stupidity. At a conference in Washington, D.C., President Wayne Pacelle of the Humane Society of the United States outlined his belief that there is little difference between humans and other animals, and suggested that dogs could more properly be called “Canine Americans” to remind (human) people of the legal status Pacelle feels they ought to achieve.

Look, let’s face facts here. Dogs may have many delightful features, but they are filthy, illiterate creatures that will hump your leg, thrust their noses in your crotch, lick their own testicles, and roll in piles of rotting garbage. This, in the first three minutes after you’re introduced to them. I’m not buying into your agenda, Mr. Pacelle, because no American citizen will ever behave that way! Except for my Uncle Willard, maybe. But that’s a subject for another post.