Ashton Kutcher is no stranger to giving advice on how to be a good doggie. Clearly, the guy has issues, as we all do, and he has also, apparently, spent a bit of time in the doghouse. Still, this hasn’t deterred him from publicly kissing Demi Moore’s ass and dishing out his secrets to marital happiness via his Twitter account:

“what’s one thing that your husband or wife could do, that they don’t do, that would strengthen your marriage.”
12:29 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

“better question, what’s one bad habit that you learned from your parents that you are carrying into your relationship?”
12:33 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

“for me it’s about relearning that supporting my wife isn’t about providing $ and Home it’s about supporting her desires, needs and emotions.”
12:37 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

“greatest lesson in my marriage. Don’t try to solve her problems just listen love and be supportive. this is the opposite of male nature.”
12:56 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

“2nd greatest lesson when she says time for bed….hop to, good things await. Gnight. lol”
12:57 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

While I’m quite happy that Ashton continues to get laid, my (also unsolicited) advice to him is that he probably should keep his mouth (or, in this case, fingers) shut on his marriage. Above all, Ashton and Demi should not end up filming some bloody self-help infomercial like the following couple did:

Kathie Lee Gifford has made life with husband Frank sound so warm, so sexy, so comfy, it’s easy to forget that the star of Live with Regis & Kathie Lee has never said things were perfect. Several years ago the couple appeared in an infomercial, Growing in Love, promoting Gary Smalley, a Branson, Mo., marriage consultant, and his line of self-help videotapes and books. Nestled next to Frank on a couch, Kathie Lee proclaimed, “Anybody who knows us knows that nothing is more important than our children and our relationship with each other. It is a source of tremendous joy and security.”

Of course, when Frank Gifford later ended up in videotaped footage that showed him frolicking with a flight stewardess, Kathie Lee wondered why everyone, at that particular moment, had to be so interested in her private life. I think we can all answer that question quite easily.

Even if Ashton is genuinely speaking out in some oddly altruistic fashion, he needs to just chill out and not worry about the rest of us and our respective love lives. People don’t take kindly to being told how great someone else’s life is compared to what, presumably, is hell on earth for the rest of us. Gwyneth Paltrow may go around suggesting $1250 dollar pairs of shoes to those on a budget, but not even she dares to go near the topic of marriage. At the very least, Ashton is gonna end up getting hit in the head with an orange again, which is just as well, for, next time, it might very well knock some sense into him.