Heidi Montag’s reality TV career (“career” just can’t be the word I’m looking for) is almost over, but Heidi stubbornly refuses to go back to Der Wienerschnitzel or wherever she was working before MTV unleashed her on the public. Instead, she’s determined to become a pop star in the style of Britney Spears — her words, not mine. Heidi’s debut album, Superficial, had its digital launch this month, and right now it looks like the audio equivalent of — You know, I’m really not sure. The space shuttle Challenger, perhaps. Or the Spruce Goose. Or one of those fantabulous flying contraptions you see falling off buildings or going over cliffs in early blooper reels. So far, Superficial has been downloaded 658 times, which makes the 15,000 or so albums K-Fed sold look like a smashing success. Of course, you could beat Heidi’s sales figures with an album featuring 45 minutes of dead silence. And this level of failure didn’t come cheap:

I put every dollar I have into this. I’ve spent over $1 million, almost $2 million, on this album. It’s cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality … (But) I think within the first week we will definitely make our money back.

Or not. Normally it would be cruel to mock someone who failed this badly, but — c’mon. I mean, we’re talking about Heidi freakin’ Montag here. Anyway, she had enough left over for a few nips and tucks. At least she’ll be the hottest looking girl behind the counter at Der Wienerschnitzel.