… we’re offering a blue-light special on all slightly used self-gratification devices.

I realize that Jessica and her father are willing to do almost anything to make a buck, but things are spiraling out of control quickly. Now since you’re awaiting your semi-regular Jessica Simpson fix we’ll cram most of it into one article.

It takes a brilliant business (wo)man to copy a successful business model. Jessica and her dear ole dad are going to open a chain Daisy Duke’s Barbeque restaurants. The waitresses will of course be sporting Daisy’s trademark shorty-shorts and tight shirts. Now I’m not sure, but this seems eerily familiar, I’m just not sure where I’ve seen this idea before.

I had her father’s lack of morals and a couple of attractive buxom blonds that wouldn’t mind being exploited I’d be rich by now also, filthy stinking rich. If you’d like to volunteer to be exploited just send an e-mail with pics and a list things you won’t do (which had best be easier to list than the things you’re willing to do).

On the creepy side of things Jessica is still sleeping in Nick’s old t-shirts. And she wonders why she can’t find her one true love. Puzzling isn’t it? Absolutely baffling.

Since Jessica’s sex life has taken a nose dive she’s taken to wearing a rooster pendent around her neck. Not one to disappoint the role-model for tweens and teen everywhere enlightens us with the following quotes:

“This is my c**k! This is about as raunchy as I get these days. I don’t have a c**k at the moment, so I wear one around my neck.”

“I saw it and said to myself, I’ve found my c**k! I’ve found my man!”

Classy.

Well at least she hasn’t taken to wearing a pearl necklace in public, yet.

h/t: to agent bedhead for the pic.