Geriatric diva Barbra Streisand has returned to the American stage after a 12-year absence, driven by a complex mixture of vanity, greed, and visceral hatred of George W. Bush. The latter quality was particularly evident at her Philadelphia kickoff concert Wednesday night, where the jabs at Chimpy McHitlerburton included a skit with an actor playing the part of the simian election-stealer. And that made perfect sense, because incisive political commentary from a high-school dropout turned song-and-dance girl is well worth $750 a seat, right?

The notion that anyone, including James Brolin, would care about Barbra’s political opinions is utterly baffling, but it’s only a small part of the larger mystery of her entire career. Village Voice writer Nate Cavalieri tackles that question in an article where he asks plaintively: “How could admission to see a moose-faced diva wail selections from Cats at the Garden possibly fetch $2,000 on eBay?� Cavalieri thinks there’s only one possible answer: at an early age, Barbra sold her soul to Satan. Some of us have suspected this for years, but Cavalieri goes back through Streisand’s recorded oeuvre and uncovers all the subliminal Satanic messages. Is Barbra really Satan’s snugglebunny, or is this just a crass marketing attempt to reach out to that hip young demographic of W.A.S.P. and Megadeth fans? You be the judge.