As most of you are undoubtedly aware by now, the infamous Wikileaks founder’s recent actions have made him the target not only of death threats but also the subject of treason allegations, which only adds to the threat level of those pesky Swedish sex-crime allegations from some time back. While the U.S. probably cannot take any action against Assange, there’s always the possiblity of his native Australia taking action against the bloke, which would naturally prevent a relaxing trip home during the impending holiday season. At least, Assange wouldn’t want to do so with such a recognizable shock of blonde hair, so he changed that shit. Now, the media shall voice their inevitable disapproval of such an abrupt end to “total transparency” as inspired by this hairstyle change:
Under the studio lights, he can seem–with his spectral white hair, pallid skin, cool eyes, and expansive forehead–like a rail-thin being who has rocketed to Earth to deliver humanity some hidden truth. – New Yorker
If Julian Assange is famous for one thing besides leaking a bunch of secret documents through his website Wikileaks, it’s his hair. Those ethereal, silver locks that made him look like an elf from Lord of the Rings: They’re gone!
Amidst increasing criticism of his plan to release 15,000 more Afghanistan documents–potentially “more explosive” than the last batch–Assange appeared on Swedish television today, And he had a radical new ‘do: close-cropped and boring brown, save a Leno-esque silver streak down the middle. – Gawker
Assange’s hair is dyed blonde with dark splodges (did he dye it himself?). It may have been a disastrous attempt at highlights, but the result is a not very fetching leopard-spot effect–a flamboyant and attention-seeking hairdo for a man who seeks to present himself as unassuming. – Vanity Fair
It’s fair to say that Assange’s hair, despite receiving noticeably low levels of maintenance, was a marvel in and of itself. It was perfectly translucent to the point of appearing artificial, a quality that even aided him in his quest for transparency. (In a report for SBS Dateline in Australia, an event promoter calls him a “pure angel,” to which Assange fusses, “oh, it’s just the hair”). While its length was sometimes bothersome, the cut he sported when we last saw him on American TV was very becoming, albeit doing nothing to take away from its conspicuous nature.
So what to make of this new look? At first glance, there are hints of Simon Le Bon circa 2003 in it — a splash of highlights in a deliberately messy looking cut. Except it’s not deliberately messy looking, and those aren’t highlights. It doesn’t quite look like a “cut” because it doesn’t seem whoever did it used scissors. Instead, it looks like a “gnaw” — like a rabid mammal used his head as a chew toy one night and then Paul the Octopus showed up and splashed ink all over the remainders of his hair. It would have been tragic on anyone else; on someone naturally gifted with a hair color straight out of Greek mythology, it’s worth lighting a candle in memoriam. – Styleite
Well, we think this new hairstyle looks pretty awful too, which is really saying something when one considers that it doesn’t look all that great beforehand either. Besides, who needs a hairstyle change when one has already threatened to unleash the so-called “unbreakable” 256-bit encryption key for the previously unreleased “thermonuclear device” of U.S. government files? With such an “insurance policy” put in place to prevent one’s arrest, this hairstyle change seems completely unnecessary and wholly tragic, which tells us one thing — Julian Assange isn’t nearly as fearless as he’d have us believe.
