Seriously, I have been waiting for this moment for far too long, but it’s been worth every ounce of hair product. Now, the hair of the Cruise has finally reached heights of insincerity to match his very own Operating Thetan VII. Below are a few of Cruise’s previous attempts to control his own hair via Scientology:

There’s Something Weird With My Hair, Right?:

Tom Cruise claimed that his edgy and stylized haircut was not the result of months of focus group testing, but rather the result of sleeping on the wrong side of the bed last night… Cruise also mentioned that he might have used a bit too much hair gel before leaving his apartment

Vitamins & Exercise or Doll Hair?:

We were watching him on Babwa Walters last night [sic] and I was mesmerized by his hair line. It looked like plugs or maybe a piece?

An Examination of Various Cruise Hairdos:

That hair is definitely not saying, “Hey. It’s me. Tom Cruise. I’m not crazy. I’m normal, just like you. See? Look at this hair. Would an abnormal person have hair this normal?”

Exactly. Let us welcome The Poison Dwarf as one of the illustrious few to join the Bedhead Hall Of Shame. Now for some really weird shit. This odd bit of news comes comes from Seriously? OMG!:

[T]he cast of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Bastards got together in Berlin for a meet and greet before they start shooting the epic. Well someone posted the video of Quentin, Eli Roth, Brad Pitt, Diane Krueger and the rest of the cast on YouTube and titled it…

Scientology Celeb Meeting In Berlin

Now I wonder what type of image did Tom Cruise leave on the German people when he filmed his latest dud Valkyrie over there? Do they think all celebs from America are Scientologists. Don’t they know that is so last century and the cool religion now is Kabbalah? Can you see Brad Pitt or Eli Roth as Scientologists? Too funny.

Hopefully Quentin and his Bastards will be able to change the perception that Tom Cruise left behind

Bloody hell! These Bastards have enough sense not to join up with such cultish nonsense. In addition, Eli Roth and his own morphing hair are, um, Jewish, which sorta precludes the whole Xenu schbang.