David Beckham may very well be the ultimate metrosexual, but, on the field, Becks transforms into a thoroughbred conglomeration of biological functions. Hence the snot rocket displayed in the above image. No offense, Becks, but, given a choice, most of us would prefer to witness your usual crotch fixation without the proverbial money shot.

Speaking of which, let us continue the ongoing saga of where Becks and his his fake package will be playing soccer next season. Although Beckham has expressed his desire to keep getting his ass grabbed in Milan, the LA Galaxy has turned down AC Milan’s initial £6.75m offer for the extraordinary livestock known as Goldenballs. Further, the Galaxy has told Milan that, like, it doesn’t want to wait around forever to settle this deal, which is basically gonna happen when the price is right. That price, according to whispers, needs to be at least twice as much as the original bid. At that point, Becks will be free to take his crotch scratching and snot rockets back to Europe forever.

Of course, certain uncertain sources speculate that the Galaxy “may allow David Beckham to extend his stay at AC Milan if the England midfielder agrees to return to Major League Soccer after the 2010 World Cup.” Oh, hell, why bother? Just go ahead and rip off the entire jockstrap already.

Imagery: Popsquire