Pursuant to normal human physiology, one’s metabolism is boosted slightly in the period immediately following the smoking of a cigarette. In this vein, smoking cigarettes should be an easy way for a fat slob like Brandon Davis to keep his weight down. He obviously isn’t smoking enough of them, so someone needs to enourage the boy. While smoking certainly isn’t a healthy way to maintain a sexy physique, for the truly abhorrent types among us, it should be encouraged as a means of natural selection.

It kinda makes one wonder why Paris and Nicky Hilton hang out with Brandon, unless he has some really good connections for parties and like, neato stuff like drugs. This further bolsters the claim that Brandon functions as an aggregate drain on society’s resources. So if you see the man who coined the term “firecrotch” walking down the street, buy him a carton or two of smokes because he obviously isn’t smoking enough. Also, because your mind is screaming at this point, we proffer some counteractive Jessica Alba ass pictures.

images via Splash News and Hollywood Tuna