Over the weekend, most celebrities were angling for an invitation to one of the Oscar parties being thrown in LA. But bottom feeders from the C-list and below might have had to settle for something a little less swanky, like Paris Hilton’s do-over birthday party. And those C-listers can count themselves as lucky, because potential grease-fire Brandon Davis was there to make it an unforgettable night. According to the Daily News, Brandon got things started around 10 PM by engaging in some witty, sophisticated banter with Paula Abdul:

“He was hurling flowers at Paula Abdul,” says a guest. “Then he began bombing her with Styrofoam flower-holders. He was shouting, ‘Lick my [BLEEP], Paula!’ He started mocking her ancestry by speaking gibberish in an Arabic accent.”

At this point, Paula remembered that she left something on the stove, or maybe it was time to rotate her tires. At any rate, she left abruptly. Brandon then focused his charm on Courtney Love, who was there with her daughter Frances Bean. Brandon broke the ice by dry-humping Courtney and telling her that he wanted to cover her with his sticky man-stuff, at which point Courtney remembered that she and Frances also had an urgent appointment to be just about anywhere else. Paris was less than delighted with Brandon’s antics, and he was “encouraged” to get the hell out.

The amazing thing about Brandon is that he keeps getting away with shit like this. Why isn’t this guy an utter pariah? We expect Paris to pal around with assclowns like Brandon, but what kind of horrible self-esteem issues could cause a relatively normal, fairly attractive human being like Mischa Barton to hook up with him? You could find more promising date material by randomly hooking up with one of the busboys at Denny’s. Hell. you could go out back of Denny’s and hook up with one of the guys scavenging the dumpsters, and you’d still be better off.