Remember that hilarious crap about how Summit Entertainment was aggressively courting Oscar-winning directors like Sofia Coppola, Gus Van Sant, and Bill Condon to helm the Breaking Dawn twofer? Even though Condon unironically accepted that gig, it was long assumed that the likes of Van Sant probably never gave a second thought to the seemingly neverending saga of Bellaer & Edward.

Not so fast, according to Bret Easton Ellis, who scripted The Golden Suicides (about the lives/deaths of Jeremy Blake & Theresa Duncan) and has already fingered James Franco & Angelina Jolie for the lead roles. However, Ellis knows that Franco & Jolie wouldn’t sign on unless someone like Van Sant directs; and, to make this happen, Ellis is willing to drag out the truth about Van Sant’s previously unknown Twihard status of sorts:

“I ask him to direct it every day,” Ellis said. “He says ‘I don’t know, I don’t want to. I’ll produce the movie, but I don’t want to direct it.’ He wanted to do ‘Twilight.’ He wanted a ‘Twilight’ gig. It’s a lot of money. I get it.”

Ellis also understands how Hollywood works and knows that a movie in which the two main characters commit suicide is not likely to be made unless someone of Van Sant’s stature wants to make it. The director of “Good Will Hunting” and “Milk” has helped win Oscars for everyone from Robin Williams to Sean Penn, a track record that makes him a top choice for any actor.

“Not only does he have the power to get it made, he has the power to get anybody he wants in it,” Ellis said. “And that’s another thing that’s so attractive about it. Beyond the fact that he’d be the best director.”

You go, boy. Ellis has also spoken about why he wrote the script — “I’m haunted by it” — as well as the difficulty in getting financing for the movie itself. In fact, a few of the producers actually signed on for a highly unorthodox reason:

Literally, this is how it sold with one of the producers, to get financing for it. “Who wants to see a movie about two people who kill themselves?” And then the other producer said, “Well, they were hot.”

As tasteless as that sounds, if being a movie about “hot” people is what eventually gets The Golden Suicides made, so be it. After all, isn’t being “hot” what Hollywood is really all about, anyway? Regardless, Ellis needs to keep playing media-soundbite hardball with Van Sant and possibly reveal him to be a closet Cosmopolitan drinker. Or even a devotee of foreign porn with subtitles. Hey, whatever works.

Many thanks to Flea for keeping me appraised on this film’s ongoing development hell.