Hypothetically speaking, if Britney Spears should ever divorce Kevin Federline, the clueless girl should never be permitted to marry again. In fact, I’m going to call my Congressmen in support of reinstating the bill of attainder just for this very purpose. A married Britney is not an attractive Britney. It’s generally accepted that Britney Spears didn’t make her millions from her singing (in)ability, and without sex appeal, she’s basically got nothing. Check it out:
Another major problem for Britney is her overwhelming sense of denial, which leads me to a conversation I had the other day. My theory is that in the incidence of young fame, a person ceases to mature at the age they earn their first million dollars. In Britney’s case, that would put her at a mental age of sixteen or seventeen years old. An example of said denial:
As the former teen pop idol gazes lovingly at herself in the mirror, Britney’s expression portrays her expectation that she will bounce back into awesome shape like really fast. Those might even be the pair of jeans she plans to wear home from the hospital after delivering her second child in so many years while KFed is busy “in the studio” cutting his fly record or some other such crap.
5 comments
“My theory is that in the incidence of young fame, a person ceases to mature at the age they earn their first million dollars.”
I think this theory is awesome and I am going to go around quoting you on it. I have sometimes thought along similar lines; ok, every time I buy a lottery ticket. For me, part of the lottery ticket fantasy includes an anxiety that with my hypothetical riches I will not have to work so hard for everything and will basically fossilize into my current self but with a large house and bitchin’ car. While this would be ok in itself, the line of thought then takes me to wondering what I would be like now if I had won the same riches a year ago or five years ago or, God help me, fifteen years ago.
PS to God: Please let win millions of dollars in the lottery. They’d only be Canadian dollars so it’s not like I am asking for much.
Haaaa. The bitchin’ car couldn’t hurt with the chicks, right?
I hereby christen the theory as Bedhead’s Law, which of course, wouldn’t supercede Packwood’s Law, even though Packwood gets far too existential every time he buys a lottery ticket.
Picture # 1 of Miss Spears (uhhh..Mrs. Federline) makes her look like redneck tubby cousin of Morticia Adams.
One of my main fears of a retroactive lottery win is imagining particular exes who might have clung on more resolutely had I been a gentleman of leisure. Which leads me to thinking of the burning resentment I would have had at having to split my imaginary millions in successive divorce settlements.
Though it could be you are right and I think about it too much.
She couldn’t get her leg into those jeans without surgical assistance. She’s totally trailer-trash, it’s not even funny. What is she doing married to that absolute clown? Besides destroying her career, I mean.
I like Bedhead’s Law. Apply it to Lindsay Lohan, Drew Barrymore, anybody, and it holds up!