Kevin Federline is pretty much the definition of yesterday’s news–a bloated, irrelevant has-been. But never count K-Fed out. The man has a cunning plan for regaining the A-list celebrity status that he never had in the first place. Now that his massive weight gain has ballooned into a potential health risk, Federline has signed onto Celebrity Fit Club, where he plans to charm viewers while returning to the trim physique that Spears nitwit found so incomprehensibly seductive. But first–let’s kick it up a notch! Supposedly K-Fed is shoveling even more food into his gluttonous maw, on the theory that the worse he looks and the more dramatic the improvement, the more he’ll benefit from the TV exposure:

He thinks that if he goes on the show, loses a ton of weight, and seems really likeable, he’ll get more deals afterward. The way he sees it, he could have another show after ‘Fit Club,’ and that would open the door to working on music again, maybe even a fashion line.”

A fashion line. Yeah, that makes all sorts of sense. Personally, I’m waiting until I can buy a copy of Kevin Federline’s Hi-Carb Path to Celebrity Riches, because this guy clearly knows all the secrets.