This little ditty was inspired by Ruth and Pammy, but do feel free to join the satirical revelry… unless thou art easily offended.

What would be my perfect mate? Oh man, Bipolar chicks are REALLY cool! Where else could you see a girl laugh then cry then laugh, all in the same spoken sentence? Oh, and the cleanup after the suicide attempts are fuckin’ phenomenal. I love demanding chicks too. Those are the BEST!! All they have to do is point their finger at something (when they want it, and they’re too fuckin’ lazy to get off their lazy ass and get it themselves), and I get to go get it for them. KICK ASS!!

Ooooh, and the girls that just lay there like a dead fish during sex. BOIIIING!! What other kind is there??? Bitchy girls please apply. Every guy needs total negativity and friction in their lives. Bring on the fuckin’ Migraines! And somebody please give me a fuckin’ Xanax! You know when I die, I want to know that when I go to hell, it’ll be a FAR BETTER place than with my girl. Save me Satan from my Bitch-Ass wife/girlfriend/ex-from-hell.

I love cleaning up after the drunken club girls too. Whatever happened to that cat litter stuff that the school custodian used to clean up vomit? Great! Gimme a case. And the baby talk. PRRRRRRRRRR!! Thanks for the Oedipus complex!! Mom never looked better. And how can we forget Self-Centered and Snobbish? Is there any other kind of girl? I love explaining to my friends why my date is such a stuck-up bitch, and why we all can only talk about HER or the things SHE likes. Don’t slip anything about yourself in there – BAD MOJO!! I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you’re REEALY FUCKED UP, come on down!!! I can take it. I’ve seen them all, and you’re ALL alike. C’mon baby, sleep with me, and I promise I won’t talk bad about you later. Oh, I would NEVER do that.