Yes, I know. It would be very, very easy to OD (so to speak) on Charlie Sheen posts, and we’re already dangerously close to that threshold. But the man is showing such a flair for self-destruction that anyone else out there contemplating career suicide really ought to be taking notes. Yesterday he called in to the Dan Patrick show and gave an impromptu interview that must have had the producers of Two and a Half Men changing their suddenly stinky underwear. Basically, he more or less promised that hookers, booze and blow were going to remain top priorities in the Charlie Sheen Home Rehab Program:

I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree,” he said during the rambling 28-minute phone interview. “It’s inauthentic — it’s not who I am. I didn’t drink for 12 years and, man, that first one [drink], Dan. Wow.” The star of “Two and a Half Men” laughed off the ethics clause in his TV contract. “Yeah, blah, blah, nitpick, nitpick,” he said. “I haven’t read it, but I don’t think it covers ‘Let us totally dominate and interfere with your personal life.’” Sheen also said he was ready to work after less than two weeks of rehab. “Check it. It’s like, I heal really quickly. But I unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys.”

Charlie threw in an equivocal endorsement for crack cocaine (which might want to look into sponsoring Two and a Half Men during its brief remaining air time), and then bowed out. Chuck Lorre, the show’s creator, is getting a little tired of his star’s shit, and basically said he hopes Charlie dies first. But seriously, you Lohans and Winehouses, this is how it’s done. You don’t just stumble aimlessly from one drunken embarrassment to the next. No, you strap yourself in, light the rocket, and go blazing into oblivion like Evel Knievel disappearing into the Snake River Canyon. Charlie’s a decent actor, but ten years from now that will be forgotten. But he’ll be remembered for decades as the gold standard in drunken, coked-up horndogs.