With all of the UST (Unresolved Sexual Tension) that still lingers in those of us who loved “The X-Files” but were wise enough to skip the last two seasons of the show’s run, it seems like an ill-conceived punch to learn that the “big kiss” between Mulder and Scully was entirely faked:

“We staged that,” Mr. Duchovny told reporters at the Sutton Place Hotel, where media were informed Anderson would not attend due to illness.

Yeah. That’s a great way to piss off long-time fans of the television series and also ensure that they just might not take the trouble to see the untitled X-Files feature film sequel.

“We’ve had lots of paparazzi,” said writer-director Chris Carter. “In Langley a couple of days ago a black SUV pulled up on the side of the road and there was a long lens pointed at us.”

“It’s been a two-way street,” says Mr. Carter of the prying eyes. “To tell you the truth, I would like to make the movie secretly and put it out there on July 25, have everybody get a gift they could open.”

So, although the paparazzi have been present and have, thus far, not delivered any true plot spoilers to the internet, Mister Carter still felt the need to fuck with us. Although the film has now wrapped in Vancouver, it seems that filmmakers are unfortunately not aware of who their target audience should be:

“We’re not doing an exercise in nostalgia to appeal to the fans of the show,” said co-writer and producer Frank Spotnitz. “We saw this as an opportunity to introduce the characters to people who may have been too young . . . It has a reason for being, even if there’d never been a television show before.”

Um, no. The film follows the same main characters of the television show, in real time, six years later. The so-called new generation, who never watched the show, doesn’t know or care about these characters. Period. They don’t need to satsify their itch for conspiracy theories — they have YouTube for that shit. So, by all means, go ahead and tell the rest of us that there is no reason to attend your piece of crap film, for that is the only thing that these “Ashton Kutcher media pranks” will accomplish. That old cliché that any publicity is good publicity really doesn’t include insulting one’s own loyal fan base. After this stunt, it’s gonna take a whole lot of remedial effort to make me want to watch this film. Nice work, mates.

Photo Credits: US Weekly, Rolling Stone, & Duchovny.net.