Oh, holy hell. I swear, every time these nitwit fame whores trick me into giving them the tiniest bit of attention, I feel like scrubbing my hands with Lava and disinfecting the keyboard. At any rate, you all need to be warned. Heidi Montag-Pratt has decided she wants to be the next Octomom, proving that her taste in role models is as atrocious as her taste in fashion, music and men:

She said she wanted to be the next Octomom!” Hills star Audrina Patridge told Usmagazine.com at the Surfrider’s 25th Anniversary Gala on Friday in L.A. “I was like, ‘Heidi, no you don’t!’”

That’s just great. Like LA really needs eight nasty little genetic blends of Spencer and Heidi infesting their school system and polluting the airwaves. Southern California would be better off if they were invaded by walking catfish. Luckily, Heidi is using a highly retarded fertility technique, and—even better—her baby fever, combined with Spencer’s general fear of the vagina, has him contemplating the wisest decision he could ever make. All things considered, the risk here seems small and the potential upside enormous. So—reach for the stars, Octobimbo!