Boy George’s career has been in a bit of a slump lately. More accurately, except for maybe six months back in 1987, the man’s life has been one long, dismal suckfest while he slowly turns into Uncle Fester. However, it’s fair to say he hit some sort of nadir with his current legal troubles, which involve handcuffing male escort Audun Carlsen to his bedroom wall and beating him with a chain, something not covered by the usual fees. Now Mr. George’s own attorney is adding insult to injury by arguing that his client, in addition to being a pathetic has-been, is too damn fat and flabby to do anything of the kind:

With the greatest of respect to George O’Dowd he is not someone you could describe as terribly fit. He has put on a few pounds since the 1980s. He is not going to be a match for Audun Carlsen.”

Whatever. Once you’ve talked someone into letting you handcuff them to a hook, the question of whether you could stay in the ring for ten rounds with them becomes somewhat moot. The one thing to take away from all this is: Do not let Boy George take you home. No matter what he might say, there’s a good chance he really does want to hurt you.