Have you ever noticed how Gwyneth Paltrow, in her own snooty fashion, namedrops every famous friend against whom she’s ever had the pleasure of rubbing nips? Hell, she can’t even get the damn names correct, such as the time she listed a recipe used when “the lovely Katie Lee Joel and her husband William” brought dessert to her home.
It’s Billy Joel, bitch!
Anyway, this will make GOOP’s week because she once pined for the affections of Courtney Love, who GPal explains was once “really horrible to me” in an elevator. However, that was 1999, and now the duo are apparently buddies and dine together when they’re both in Los Angeles. How divine!
Now, in an interview with Daily Mail, Courtney actually namedrops GPal in between other ADD-addled nonsensical statements to this poor interviewer:
I open my mouth to ask a question but she interrupts: “You know that Gwyneth is coming to the show tonight… Gwyneth is awesome. How old are you?” she asks, peering at me momentarily. “Are you, what, 32? You look awesome!” I suddenly love this woman. I tell her that I am 50, five years her senior. “Are you serious? You must have had some work done!” I tell her I haven’t, and she high fives me. “Well,” and she gets an electric cigarette (she’s trying to wean herself off an almost lifelong nicotine habit because she thinks too many young women are copying her) out of the Birkin bag left unceremoniously on the grubby floor, next to a thumbed copy of The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. “I did my nose, we all know that. I did one thing, Goldie Hawn told me not to do it, and I did it when I was 35, and I’m not telling you what it is. And then I did this crazy trout mouth, and then I undid the crazy trout mouth…” Courtney shocks me when she tells me Cobain’s estate “exceeds that left by Elvis Presley”.
Now, that last detail about Elvis’ estate is probably the only true thing in the damn interview, but not for the reasons that Courtney (or many people) would believe. Even though Graceland (thanks to Priscilla Presley’s careful control) is now worth several hundred million now, Elvis Presley’s estate was only worth $10 million at the time of his death (1977), thanks to some crappy estate planning. Not that that fact even matters, however, because Courtney is a fucking lunatic (if you haven’t been enlightened to her social media-based rantings, consider yourself lucky). Amidst Courtney’s further rantings in this interview, she claims that daughter Francis Bean Cobain receives $40,000/month from her father’s estate, yet Courtney herself supposedly gives Kurt’s mother $50,000/month out of the goodness of her heart. Then, she throws out some really bizarre stuff:
Frances is so beautiful, but she doesnât want to be famous. She was offered the part of Bella in the Twilight movies, and Tim Burton wanted her for Alice in Wonderland. But she wants to go to college: she’s very good at graphic novels. Me and her dad, we used to communicate on our satchels with cartoons, we’d do cartoons of our love life…
Well, we all know how well that satchel communication turned out in the end. Further, while I don’t entirely doubt that Burton may have wanted Francis (see below pics) for an ancillary role in Alice, it certainly wasn’t for the lead role as Courtney would like us to believe. In addition, are we honestly supposed to believe that Courtney’s daughter was meant to be the sickingly romantic heroine known as Bella Swan? Consider that Courtney actually tried to tell Robert Pattinson to date Francis, and RPattz himself called called Courtney a “dick.” He does have a point, and thank goodness the long-suffering Francis Bean has freed herself from the madwoman.