Our antihero has been so bloody busy lately that I’ve had trouble mustering up the motivation to report on his degenerate behavior. However, he recently performed a semi-honourable act by making an overnight two-way trip from his home in East London to Paris just to settle a hotel bill. Pete Doherty had checked out of his hotel room and found himself without the cash on hand to pay his room tab. Obviously this was enough to make the poor bloke ashamed right down to his knickers, so Pete left all his belongings with the hotel clerk. Bless his little cotton socks.*

After he returned to London by train and pulled a huge wad of cash out of his filthy mattress, Pete talked one of his mates into driving him all the way to Paris and back home again. Methinks he was forced to leave his powdery stash with the hotel clerk, which would explain his hurry to settle up and retain said belongings. This adventure coincides with Doherty’s claims of winning his battle with drugs so that Kate Moss will take him back. Yet once again, Pete gets kicked down by “the man” when his anti-addiction implants were seized by suspicious customs officers:

“He’s having more implants put in because the last ones went terribly wrong. They went septic which is a very dangerous situation. He was meant to get them a few days ago but customs saw the package with his name on it and thought they might be drugs being sent to them so broke the package open.”

The heroin-deterring implants went septic, which isn’t a topic that I can claim the requisite knowledge to draw a valid conclusion, but it wouldn’t surprise me to know that Pete’s disgusting living conditions were a major contributor to the problem. At any rate, Pete shouldn’t pine over Kate any longer, because she’s started therapy sessions to work out her attraction to bad men. Both her and gal pal Sadie Frost have both committed to therapy out of fear that if they don’t start dating properly, they’ll end up old maids one day. ‘Tis a valid concern, methinks.

And while Kate vowed to get her crap together, Pete and the rest of the Babyshambles reprobates were busy getting kicked out of a Siovakian music festival by local authorities. Pete tells of the events but not the rationale:

“We were playing at some festival in Slovakia and had to leave very quickly. There were a lot of police about and some big security men sort of chased us out of town. I ripped my trousers which is why I’m wearing a skirt.”

The rip in his trousers must have been located close to his tiny wanker, because generally speaking, Pete doesn’t seem to notice that he walks around wearing disheveled clothing most days. Methinks he was just looking for yet another excuse to dress in drag, since he seems so fond of airing his feminine wiles.

* If you’ve never heard a proper English girl speak this phrase, then I must tell you that it’s very endearing. So much that upon meeting Silk in March, I made her say it a few times. Just a few.