Thank you to all who submitted questions this week, and without further adieu, let’s get this party started;-)

Eric asks: … what do a man’s shoes tell about a man?… do women notice MENS shoes as much as they do other WOMENS?.. heh.. I just bought a pair of H.S. Trask saddle shoes, and Velociman called me a meterosexual… the bastard… so, what gives?…

Hmm. I’d like to investigate Velociman’s rationale for the label, but first the requisite definition:

Metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul): n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.

Metrosexuals are typically straight, which obviously you are. Typically, they describe themselves as sensitive and romantic. Methinks that you’re not overly so, but obviously with a happy marriage, you’re fitting the bill adequately in those departments. Now, since I’m not familiar with your grooming habits, I’m not certain whether you’re the type of man who styles his hair using three different products (and actually calls them “products”) and loves clothes as well as the very act of shopping for them.

After taking a look at the shoes and taking note of the typical retail price of $155… heh.

Eric, despite the fact that I’m finding the shoes oddly sexy, I’m wondering if you spend this much on shoes regularly. If so, the seemingly arbitrary label might just be more than a bit accurate. If this is the case, then embrace your meterosexuality. However, my thoughts are that since you’re sending out resumes, perhaps these are new shoes for job interview purposes. Through your blog you don’t appear to be a high-maintenance man, and since I’ve conversed with you over the cellphone a number of times, methinks you’re a very laid back type of guy. In this case, let’s just say that V-Man was fucking with you, and just be glad he didn’t call you a Technosexual. Them’s fightin’ words.

To answer whether women look at men’s shoes – not really. Personally, I don’t notice a man’s shoes unless they look or smell like utter crap and could use a permanent vacation in the dumpster. Nobody will think you’re gay for wearing those trask shoes, unless of course, you wear them to the pool with a speedo. Please don’t do that.

bruce ventures forth: Many girls try to let guys down easy, and some guys won’t take anything short of a restraining order as a “no”. And, what’s an unambiguous way for a girl to show a guy she wants him to stop chasing after her?

She should start raving excessively about other men she finds desirable, attainable, and sexy as hell. Also, she should avoid all green jeeps that circle around the downtown pub that she frequents. Simple enough, really.

Feisty tosses in a quick one: How do you feel about dating younger men and how young is too young??

Heh. Dating younger men is an excellent idea, provided of course, that everyone is of legal age. In fact, The Lad is a younger twenty-eight to my thirty years. This is the first time that I’ve been involved with a younger man, but if I were single now, I would set a lower limit of age twenty-five, due to obvious maturity issues. Luckily, I barely notice the few years between us, since reality doesn’t evade him, and he’s damn fine. In general, I think a decade is the maximum age difference that people should pursue, since life experience shapes our person. I cannot possibly understand what Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore speak about in conversation, but then again, maybe they just screw like rabbits. Ugh.

Steve wants to know: … why so many woman sleep with so many men early on, but when they are ready to settle down and find a lifelong mate, they stop having sex? I know some of my wife’s friends who did this. They slept around a lot, then when they were ready to settle down, they stopped having sex with anyone. Interestingly, 2 of her friends were married soon after they did this and neither had sex with the men they married until they married. Isn’t this a bit deceptive as well since the men might assume they had always been this way?

If these ladies are trying to pass themselves off as virgins when they clearly have stated that they are not so, this is incredibly deceptive. If a woman becomes engaged, and this goes for men too, her fiance deserves to have an accurate summation of her sexual history. Extremely detailed tidbits about positions and the relative skill of those she’s sacked aren’t necessary, but one must reveal the number of sexual partners and any potential health issues. Some women like to think they can reclaim their virginity, or revirginize themselves, by not sleeping with a man for a year or longer. That’s crap. Once that cherry pops, it’s gone for good. End of story. In addition, starting off a marriage with lies or omissions doesn’t speak well for future communication as a couple.

Jay G of North Georgia Dogma asks: Why do women have to go to the bathroom in pairs?

Good question, Jay G. After surveying the other three divas, I’ve found that none of us take company to the bathroom. Yet I can toss out a possible reason for this: Public restrooms are notoriously ill-equipped and often in a state of disarray. Having a friend close by to help sure beats the hell out of a stranger… or no one at all. Quite simply, the other woman can hold the door when it won’t latch, and she will hand you Kleenex under the door when you realize too late that the toilet paper dispenser is empty.

Gentleman Jim gets a wee bit naughty: Dear Sadie Diva – If you could sleep with any of the Divas or any of the Mens Club on a purely business and “platonic necessity” level… who would it be and why?

Humm. Well, since I’m obviously spoken for, this would only occur under duress or blackmail. Yet you’re speaking in hypos here, so I can play along. Since I am not sexually attracted to other women, despite finding Angelina Jolie inexplicably mesmerizing, you won’t be seeing any girl-on-girl action. Phin and The Wizard are married, and I’m thinking Zonker is taken as well, even though I hear he’s very cute. Heh. This leaves Puffy, who, coincidentally, is the member of the Men’s Club that I’ve been friends with for quite some time. In addition, he is devastatingly Irish, so I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad experience, no? Bygones.

Hicky stumps me on this one: Does the girl sometimes help in defining the type of the man??

WTF? Alright, I have no idea what your question really is, but I can think of several possibilities. Methinks that it might be on par with the next question, but if not, leave a comment and I will post an answer as soon as humanly possible.

Our Maximum Leader wonders: Last night I was chatting with my lovely wife. She was telling me about the dating situations of some of her coworkers. One of them is dating a man who is ‘no good for her, or anyone.’ But she remains with him because ‘she thinks she can change him.’ Therein is the question. What possesses a woman to think she can “change” a man? (Follow-up: Have you ever “changed” a man, or heard of any woman “changing” a man?)

One word summarizes this topic: Delusion. It’s really quite sad that any women still fall into this cliche, because women with common sense realize this is an exercise in futility. It’s just a given that you cannot change a person, for only they can change themselves. Over the years, I have heard several women claim that a man will change for them if he luuuuuvs her – as if this is some sort of test of their luuuuv. Not one success have I seen. Methinks that the women who attempt this have some daddy issies, i.e., daddy left home when she was very young, or daddy is an alcoholic or drug addict.

Will of Unconsidered Trifles wants to know our thoughts on this one: I’ve posted an item that discusses a few recent news stories concerning the misogynist policies of casinos and magazines. Apart from the sexism obviously apparent here, I ask what you think of these statements:

(1) “An Atlantic City casino says its cocktail waitresses must be thin.” (2) “Men like to look at beautiful women…and women like to look at other women.”

Heh. It should be written as a law of physics that a man is more likely to buy an expensive cocktail from an attractive woman, but he’ll probably just order a Bud Light from a less attractive waitress. This has something to do with ego and inherently wanting to impress women they find attractive. In addition, the high rollers are more likely to flock to the casinos with more attractive waitresses for the same reason, as in Jon Favreau’s movie, Swingers:

Trent: Oh Mikey you don’t want all that “Pirates Of The Caribbean” horseshit, or the “Rock and Roll Grunge Tip”. Guys like you and me gotta kick it here, old school. I’m gonna find me two waitresses here and I’m gonna pull me a Fredo.

Mike: Yeah, well they’re all skanks.

Trent: What are talking about? Look at all the beautiful babies here.

Mike: The beautiful babies don’t work the midnights-to-six on a Wednesday. This is the skank shift.

Yep. ‘Tis true that the men wish to be where the beautiful babies are. As to the statement about women, this could be explained by the following airheaded statement:

“All the waitresses here are gorgeous. I’m here. Therefore, I must be gorgeous too.” Pretty dumb.

Finally, Cassandra presents the following dilemma:

Dearest Diva, What would you do if you were in my shoes?

This actually isn’t too surprising, since when people graduate college, they suddenly find they have a surprising lack of social life. It dwindles down to non-existence due to the fact that for those first years, you’re not making much money, often have student loans to pay off, and are busy working your ass off. Many people have very little money for going out or other entertainment, and when friends start to relocate or get involved in family life, it can look pretty scary. As a result, she’s likely clinging onto you for familiarity’s sake, and because it’s much easier than venturing into the world to befriend unknown quantities.

These sorts of adjustment periods are part of life, and many people use the opportunities to grow as a person by joining new groups and developing hereto unknown interests. From that perspective, you’re really doing her no favours if you pretend to be chummy. She probably unconsiously realizes the lack of friendly chemistry between you two, and let’s face it, if you don’t cut the cord, this will likely continue for decades. If you cannot bear to tell her that with nothing in common, she would be better off elsewhere, then you’ll have to gently nudge her towards other pursuits. This would likely be an arduous process involving lots of time, which you likely don’t have much of. It’s a toss up between a clean break or baby steps. Personally, I’d rip off the bandaid in one fell swoop, in order to save myself lots of time and future mulling over the problem.

In your hands, this really could turn into an opportunity for mutual growth: (1) A more assertive you, and (2) She could potentially find other friends and hobbies. If this is the eventual result, I think both of you would be happier than the current situation.

This ends another round of Divas Sez. Oh, don’t be sad. Feisty Repartee will be back next Friday with more, so start thinking of more questions!