A lovely petition, if you will:
People of the USA, we salute you for taking the Beckhams off our hands.
David and Victoria Beckham have somehow managed to dominate the mainstream media in Europe for the last decade or so, largely through staged publicity stunts, rumoured eating disorders and having celebrity friends.
Though they’re probably nice enough in person, they’re also both exceptionally boring to read about or watch on TV. And we the people of Europe have had enough!
One is a good enough but certainly not the best footballer, the other was a particularly poor component of a particularly poor girl band. Neither possess anything resembling a personality, making their achievments admirable yet still incredibly – and I mean incredibly – painful to bear.
Now that they’ve left Europe for where they belong – the shallow world of the Beverly Hills set – we, the undersigned politely request them never to return to Europe, the only exception being if either David or Victoria have to be extradited on criminal charges.
Oh hell. They’ve only been here a few weeks, and already Becks is whining for privacy while Posh leafs through a pile of movie scripts. We cannot endure lifetimes of this!
Get off the ground, you wimp.
- Thanx to Holy Moly. We think.
8 comments
You’re going to be sick of the sight of these two nobodies in about ten seconds!
The petition is right – he’s a very good, but not the best, footballer, but can’t string a sentence together, and she a) can’t sing, and b) isn’t even slightly fucking ‘posh’.
Their only saving grace is that he, for certain, is a conservative.
Oh, I was sick of them about a week ago. I must have a lower tolerance than you suspected, Martin.
Ugh. I can’t stand “Posh.”
Sure, Europe created them and made them famous, and now they’ve foisted them on us with a thank-you note.
To the People of Europe:
No problemo, we’ve already pretty much forgetten who the hell these people are anyway. Seriously, the only people here who give a rat’s ass about this kickyball game of yours are Mexican day laborers. I’d recommend Box and Pecs start taking Spanish lessons so they can do immigration lawyer ads on Univision.
Your Pals
USA
I was going to launch into a rousing defense of ‘the beautiful game’, but I suspect I’d be wasting my time, and yours!
Who the fuck watches soccer, anyway?
/runz
Seriously, I have nothing against whatsisface, but that skank Posh? She makes my farking skin crawl. She’s creepy, freakish, annoying, stupid, talentless, and (insert any other negative adjective here). I detest her, more than is rational.
And so I must wonder, what kind of dipshit is he, if he’s with this stupid bint?
Twas the Confusionists, not Holy Moly, who started the petition. But it certainly was Holy Moly that made the petition a success.
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