Wow. We already surmised that Britney Spears isn’t very bright, but now the state of delusion can be added to that pop culture diagnosis. Sweet Brit has reportedly booked a deluxe suite at a hospital in Scottsdale, Arizona. In addition, Brit has ordered that all nurses will undergo background checks and that the nearby hospital rooms remain empty. Cuz, y’all, like, privacy is important.

The most amusing details of the planned soiree include Britney’s arrangements to make this a catered affair, which is about as silly her mandatory bouquets of white and yellow roses that shall adorn the room at every glance. Cuz, y’all, like, that will make the delivery less painful.

Hey, maybe Brit can even talk her pal Madonna into chanting Kabbalah throughout this birthapalooza! That would be groovy.