Tom Cruise may have wisely stepped out of the camera’s glare (“taking a break” in Ross & Rachel speak), but that doesn’t mean that he’s stopped being a total whackjob.

Since Suri Cruise has lost the ephemeral and fleeting title of most fascinating baby in existence, Tom was looking to cash in on the novelty of Shilo Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. In doing so, Tom picked up the phone and called two people that he barely knows and embarked upon the Scientology conversion process:

“He’s still euphoric over the birth of his new girl Suri. He got so caught up in the excitement…he made the call [to Brad and Angelina]… Cruise was the last person Brad and Angelina expected a call from.”

Under the pretense of congratulations on the birth of Jolie and Pitt’s tadpole, Cruise invited the pair to check out the Church of Scientology, which would undoubtedly be a personal tour by Cruise himself. He pulled out all the proverbial stops by gratuitously offering Angelina a Church-sponsored award for her global humanitarian work.

Angelina allegedly turned down the award, and really, what does she need a crappy scientology plaque for anyway? She already has an Academy Award and Brad Pitt, so methinks she’s in trophy heaven, so to speak. Ahh, the sweet smell of rejection is something that Tom Cruise needs to grasp in his creepy little hands, because this isn’t his only recent conversion failure.

Last year, Tom also attempted to cajole David and Victoria Beckham to join the church, which would have allowed Scientology to cash in on a few more million dollars. Victoria was actually seen holding a Scientology book, which perhaps was the first book she’s ever read in all her life. It would seem that the Beckhams came to their senses, because they decided not to join the Church.

Hmmm. So Tom is attempting to convert couples to his lifestyle. Do you know what this means? Tom Cruise is a swinger, baby!