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Hey, if two sweaty men simply must beat the crap out of each other, I should be allowed to pretend that one of them is The Rock, and the other one is rendered virtually invisible. In other words, I’m still sticking to my unofficial rule that I will not post the visage of Uwe Boll, who has somehow upgraded his eccentric publicity whoring to include the status of “total crackhead.” Yep, he has taken the liberty of challenging fellow director Michael Bay to a good pounding in the ring:

Hi, here’s Uwe Boll and you see my outfit so you know what’s coming up now basically. Michael Bay responded to my note about him in a very insulting way for me. He said that he doesn’t care about me and this was very insulting because I care about him and I think that with the money he has for his movies, he sucks big time. I think it’s time to meet in the ring actually.

So it’s my message to Michael Bay, Michael, in between your pool parties in LA or your casting sessions with the strippers you should start training now. And I’m sure you look good, you look thin. I saw you at the Hollywood Film Festival, I think you’re a fit guy and you do like private karate Asia bullshit crap fighting stuff in LA where you think you’re super cool that you do that with your 500 bucks per hour trainer.

So let’s meet in the ring in September or October. Pay-per-view. Mandalay Bay. Las Vegas. Twelve rounds of boxing. Boll against Bay. It’s also independent against the studio system and I think that this day in Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas we will clear it up who is not only the better director who is also able to fight more for that what he wants.

OK Michael, if you see that message I expect that your people contacting me, it will be all arranged. We even make money with it, and so let’s go for it. Boll against Bay. It’s on.

Obviously, U.B. has some sort of vendetta against Michael Bay himself amongst all of the other filmmakers (Gus Van Sant, Steven Spielberg, Eli Roth, Michael Haneke, Tom Tykwer, & George Clooney) whose names that U.B. has recently mispronounced for whatever reasons. This personal vendetta has been fueled by the fact that Michael Bay is the only one who demonstrated his visible discomfort at being singled out by U.B., and the little crackhead is getting off on it.

Of course, this comes after the “The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge,” which Defamer describes as “like Be Kind Rewind, but with the guiding light of a German hack as opposed to a French aesthete.” Somehow, this just isn’t about filmmaking any longer because — unlike the other filmmakers who are, you know, busy making films — U.B. has apparently forgotten his profession and would rather prove his manhood in Vegas, of all places.

Below, you’ll find the video of U.B. challenging Michael Bay to a fight. What a fucking freak.

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