Tom Cruise just can’t help himself. Any criticism, no matter how offhandedly made, must be dealt with and immediately quashed. The amount of tension in The Cruise’s body certainly must be palpable in a very nonsexual way. From Page Six:

TOM Cruise’s lawyer is comparing a TV doctor’s analysis of the star’s mental health to Nazi methods. In next month’s Playboy, Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew,” says: “A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.” Cruise’s lawyer, Bert Fields, told us: “This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”

For starters, Dr. Drew does hold a medical license, so he is not unqualified to express a medical opinion, as Cruise’s lawyer erroneously states. In addition, many former Scientologists have described their experiences with the cult as “insane.” So, it naturally follows that those who follow and worship insanity are indeed mentally ill themselves. Finally, it’s impossible to resist the fact that Cruise’s camp refers to the Nazi official who was not only “the man behind the man behind the man” but also commonly referred to as “The Poison Dwarf.” We cannot help but notice the self-evident accuracy of both of these descriptors in reference to Cruise himself.