I guess once you’ve mastered the art of hiding your peen everything else is simple, especially selling Tupperware.

Instead of demonstrating the plastic containers at coffee mornings and parties in suburban homes, Dixie Longate has transformed a love for Tupperware it into a one-woman stage show that is nothing like what housewives experienced in the 1950s.

I’m guessing its nothing like ’50s housewives experienced because they weren’t used to women having a twig and berries, unless you know they hung around J. Edgar Hoover.

If you’re hoping to book Dixie you’re shit out of luck. He / She (wtf how you do address a drag queen?) is booked solid.

I AM COMPLETELY BOOKED FOR TUPPERWARE PARTIES NOW. I couldnt fit in another Tupperware Party if I had both legs tied behind my back and was doing dep breathing exercises. But I have a couple of great team members who are just as crazy as me as well. If you want to do a Tupperware party, why not consider booking a party with either Honey Bucket Rose, the flamboyant lady from Boca who can help you with all of your food storage needs or Tipsy Tupperware, whose hair is only slightly bigger than the national debt.

There is the fabulous New York based Mildred Scrodum who will be helping my posse in Long Island and the outer boroughs as well as her new pal, Aunt Barbara also hailing from the Northern territory.

I’m 100% certain that if we gave these ladies a couple of days and an endless supply of Tupperware they could build a border security fence that would double as storage for the national strategic petroleum reserve.