Yeah, I don’t feel so good about this one.

I mean, we’re talking about The Rock. Actually, to be more precise, this is The motherfucking Rock, who managed to save a Disney movie with all that damn charisma of his — along with the whole football schbang — despite dressing up like a forest tree, attempting ballet, and actually crying in The Game Plan. It was that damn Samoan smile, the cute bulldog, and the Elvis tunes on the guitar that did it, and you know, I’m so not going to fall for it this time around.

Not gonna. No.

Regardless, Variety deals the ominous news of Mister Dwayne Johnson’s seemingly eternal Disneyfication. After he finishes filming Disney’s Witch Mountain, he shall figuratively castrate himself in the following manner:

Dwayne Johnson will star as the title character in The Tooth Fairy, a 20th Century Fox comedy that’s coming together for an August start. Michael Lembeck, who helmed the second and third installments of The Santa Clause will direct.

So, this director was responsible for the Tim Allen sequels that followed the original crappy Tim Allen movie where he kills Santa Claus. Even worse, The Rock is the Tooth Fairy. Can’t they at least make him a Tooth Sparrow Man and stick with the Disney Never Fairy gender plan? This is all so confusing, and, to complicate matters, I also just learned that The motherfucking Rock waxes his chest hair.

Excuse me. I need to go put my Dwayne Johnson doll down the garbage disposal.