You know, I’m actually starting to feel a bit sorry for Robert Pattinson. In the past year, the bloke has been continually living as caged-up Twihard veal to keep him safe from those crazed, stalking women who, otherwise, force him to seek sanctuary by throwing himself in front of a moving taxi. It’s no wonder that RPattz has become disillusioned with acting and struggles daily with his fame.

[Note To Rabid Twilight Fans: You'd better be careful, or you might soon have a Michael Schoeffling situation on your hands. If RPattz moves to Pennsylvania and takes up carpentry, it's on your heads.]

Indeed, when it comes to Edward Cullen/RPattz, chicks are absolutely nuts, and–between the creepy life-sized shadow, Barbie dolls, shower curtains, and bizarre requests such as “Can you please bite my baby’s head?”–there’s been no shortage of insanity. Now, in heavy anticipation of the upcoming New Moon movie, a Twihard blog called Twitarded has moved onto a disturbing new frontier: “Ladies and twat-waffles, I present for your viewing pleasure…PATTINSON PANTIES!!!”

[It must also be noted that Cinematical's Monika Bartyzel asks, "Is it going too far to make links between vampires and menstruation?" Nope.]

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pond and without a trace of characteristically British irony, Guardian UK (really?) proudly pimps another novelty, the Robert Pattinson cross-stitch pattern, which comes in a spiffy downloadable PDF format for your stalking convenience. (Check out the clickable screengrab on the right.) While I realize this is a silly question, couldn’t someone have managed to make this RPattz likeness a bit less, uh, Twitarded?