Lindsay Lohan is always on the prowl for some fresh manhood, and those that fall into her clutches will no doubt experience that awful morning-after feeling that lasts a lifetime. Besides, La Lohan’s mugshot from The Smoking Gun makes her look like the ideal candidate for Miss Hoosegow Honey, and you just know that, in a decade or so, she’ll be missing a few teeth after being forced to substitute crack for her usual cocaine when the boobs go away and her career takes that final trajectory.
So, imagine how badly I felt for our director friend, poor Eli Roth, concerning his recent close-encounter with Lohan:
I was having drinks with a friend at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night, and Lindsay Lohan walked by our booth with a girlfriend, checking us out. She then went out to the bathroom, turned around, came back and walked by us again, and mumbled to her friend “too old,” and kept walking. Now – she’s absolutely correct – but it was still pretty fucking hilarious. Especially since we were in the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel – where the average age is 97. If you look too old in there you’re fucked! Time to hit the Botox!
By the way, Eli is 35 years old and not looking too shabby, unlike LaLohan herself.
Trust me, you’ll get over this horrid moment of rejection, Eli. Your hair may never recover, but you shall.
6 comments
Alright, my respect for Eli (even his hair) just went up a notch. That’s an excellent story.
A year or two back, wasn’t La Lohan bragging about nailing Bruce Willis, who’s more than thirty years her senior? Eli must have been looking really rough that day.
Anyway, he’s got nothing to feel bad about. That’s not so much a rejection as dodging a highly septic bullet.
in a decade or so, she’ll be missing a few teeth after being forced to substitute crack for her usual cocaine when the boobs go away and her career takes that final trajectory
Now, now, we both know she’ll still be doing pr0n and getting plenty of coke in the process.
After closer inspection of that Roth photo, more likely what LL said was “too small”. Looks like he’s packing maybe four inches tops.
“But they’re -thick- inches!” Roth probably bleats to anyone who’ll listen without chuckling.
That photo of Lindsay ranks up there as one of the hottest mugshots, ever.
Re: Matt
The fact that you have immediately focused on Roth’s size just makes you look like an idiot. What business do you have zooming in on that? Do you really think noticing his size will realise you are the smarter one here?
Oh, right, I forgot. You make WAY better movies than Roth. Go you!
My mistake!