Apparently the world I grew up in is dead, and so is the King. If you can believe the Recording Industry Association of America, Elvis is no longer the best selling solo artist of all time. His crown has been snatched by no, not him. And not her, either. The new King of Pop Music is(flourish of trumpets)Garth Brooks. That’s right. The guy who writes songs I enjoy only slightly less than jamming a pencil in my ear is now an icon of American popular culture. Truly, we live in a degenerate age.

This is a major cultural shift, as significant as salsa surpassing ketchup as America’s favorite condiment. In other words, total bullshit. True, Garth has edged out the King in terms of total US album sales, but Elvis kicks his butt (scroll down) when it comes to global sales of albums and singles. So does Michael Jackson, for that matter. Not to mention Madonna. No doubt it’s entirely coincidental that the RIAA made this gimcrack Number One announcement the same day that Garth released a new triple-disc set of songs and videos, at a time when sales of recorded music are falling through the floor. It’s enough to make you think that people in the pop music business might not be completely trustworthy.