Eminem Post-Nuptual Wrapup

By Bedhead in Eminem, Pop Culture Mix, Smoking Bolts, Unconditional Untruths, Vanilla Ice

…and we join in progress the demise of another eligible bachelor of popular culture…

Agent: “So hey Eminem, how’s it…uh…hanging? Is that what I’m supposed to say to a rap star?”

Eminem: “Yo. I know what you wanna say. It’s like ‘yo, what’s it like to be a white man in a black man’s world, right? I get it. The joke’s on Shady. Man yo, you journalists are all alike.”

Agent: “I’m not a journalist. Yo. I’m just a writer who’s amusing herself when she should be doing far more serious things. I guess you could say I’m a hack like…”

Eminem: (interrupting) “Yo like. Are you callin’ me a hack?”

Agent: “No Mister Mathers. I was merely attempting to make some conversation to break the proverbial ice.”

Eminem: “Yo. Is this that White Trash Wednesday thing – is that why I’m here? WASSUP! Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. Hey where’s that SADIE LOU bitch? She is one hott piece of…”

Agent: “Actually, no. She had a prior engagement and couldn’t make it. What we’re here to talk about is your new marriage. Er, I mean, your old marriage. I mean, you remarried your ex-wife. Can I just speak for the world and ask ‘What the hell are you thinking?’ with a silly stunt like that?”

Eminem: “Awww that’s my old lady, Kim. Ain’t she sweet? Yo she was with me from the beginnin’ at that 8 Mile Road and cuz’ of this I know she’s my soulmate and that mug shot, well, it’s the only picture of her that I have without cocaine running out of her nose.”

Agent: “Quite frankly, she looks as if she could be your sister.”

Eminem: “Yo y’all don’t judge a mug shot by its uh…well so what? Didn’t Oedipus kill his father and marry his mother?”

Agent: “Well sure. He fulfilled that prophecy and ended up biting it in the end. That was one of Shakespeare’s Sophocles tragedies.”

Eminem: “Yo. They call me a prophet, my fans. It’s like Tupac and that Machiavelli shit.”

Agent: “And what were your…”

Eminem: “But I ain’t no Tupac. I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady.”

Agent: “Surely no one in this room disputes your true identity…”

Eminem: “But yo. I created a monster, cuz nobody wants to see Marshall no more they want Shady. I’m chopped liver.”

Agent: “Obviously this alter ego is creating some feelings of inadequacy…”

Eminem: “Tikka tikka tikka Slim Shady, I’m sick of him.”

Agent: “Uh-huh. So can I ask who your early influences were. What did you think of The Beastie Boys and Vanilla Ice?”

Eminem: “Shit that Vanilla Ice wigger. I was like whatevah, and he ain’t no lyrical genius. Yo when I heard the Beasties I was like, ‘Yo man. This shit is so dope.’ And then I met Dre and he was dope producin’ and stuff.”

Agent: “Did you always want to be a rap and hip-hop star?”

Eminem: “And man I grew up listenin’ to Dre and N.W.A. and wishin and hopin’ that if I’d only been born black, it woulda been so much easier with that affirmative action and shit. Like that movie, Soul Man is one of my all time favorites. That scene with the basketball game and Soul Man is like, peace y’all I ain’t got game, yo. I really yanno can identify with that shades of grey stuff.”

Agent: “I can see that my question is going largely unanswered.”

Eminem: “Yo man! You can talk smack ’bout my life, but you can’t never say that my shit is whack because you know my shit is tight! Yo baby, you get a song on my next album where I lash out on everyone who talks shit about me.”

Agent: “I see. Well thank you for your time…”

Eminem: “Yo peace out y’all. It’s Shady’s time to shine. Cha-ching!”

Seekrit Agent Note: Literary correction coming from darling blogniece Amelie, who is my hero as well as that of the LLamas. Yo.



10 comments

I see you are celebrating American Negroe Day in your own special poignant way, as well.

Let us bow our heads…

01.16.06 | 7:00 am

Many times I drove right past that trailer park on my way to the lake when the highway was backed up. He’s an odd character, that one. At this point, the talk here is that his daughter is his motivation for remarrying his crack head wife. The only one I have an ounce of sympathy for is the little girl.

01.16.06 | 7:03 am

This post is genius pure genius.

Little hellions, kids feeling rebellious

Embarrassed, their parents still listen to Elvis

They start feeling like prison is helpless,

Till someone comes along on a mission and yells…

01.16.06 | 2:15 pm

BITCH! :mrgreen:

01.16.06 | 2:17 pm

… outstanding… I simply must buy an album…

01.16.06 | 2:17 pm

Girls Got Game: Visit the Cotillion…

Cross Posted from Jack Yoest The CotillionNot a day goes by without hearing the complaint of the lack of women in technology. No one, it seems, seems to know a woman in tech. Are you looking for a real woman……

01.16.06 | 2:26 pm

and this is the part where the blogniece gets annoying by pointing things out — primarily, that Oedipus Rex wasn’t written by Shakespeare.

01.16.06 | 5:03 pm

Oh gawd. Thank you for the correction! And shame on the Naked Villains for not reading this! :mrgreen:

01.16.06 | 5:51 pm
Ruth

Heh – she DOES look like his sister. Eminem is crazy enough to appeal to me, I’m afraid!

BTW the smilies don’t work for me – maybe it is IE.

01.17.06 | 12:26 am

RINO Sightings…

Rusty proves he’s still Jawalicious after all these years. How? By celebrating his second blogiversary and helping to catch a terrorist. Politechnical found something really scary. Sean Hannity and Pat Buchanan discussed Iran and made absolute sense. …

01.23.06 | 9:26 am
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