Let me be honest here: I was not happy when I learned Rosie O”””Donnell was joining The View. I”””d never seen the show, didn”””t plan to. But the mere notion that someday I might be home sick with a horrible intestinal disorder, flip on the TV, and find myself staring at Rosie”””s pudgy face while her shrill, yappy whine bored into my brain”””. Well, it just made me feel uncomfortable. But I was wrong. Hiring Rosie was a genius move, because she is going to do to The View what General Sherman did to Atlanta.

Let”””s review. In the past month, Rosie has:

• Picked a fight with Donald Trump that was so mutually degrading it looked like the Lindsay vs. Paris wars, Senior Heavyweight Comb-over Division;
• Mocked Chinese people in a manner that was possibly racist and undoubtedly moronic;
• Attacked the judges on American Idol for making fun of people”””s appearance, and called Paula Abdul a drunk. That”””s our job, dammit.

Nobody”””s exactly sure when the woman who told a subordinate (and breast-cancer survivor) that ”””people who lie get cancer””? became the moral arbiter of American life, but her hypocrisy hasn”””t gone unnoticed. And now that Simon Cowell has called Rosie out as the attention whore she is, the talk show harpy has backed off of Idol and picked her stupidest target yet”””Oprah Winfrey. This will be fun to watch, if brief. I”””m fairly certain that Oprah has the same motto as the Addams Family: Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatus nunc. ”””We gladly feast upon those who would subdue us.””?