In light of Phin’s recent disclaimer, I thought it perhaps amusing to rerun our own acknowledgment that the lurkers truly don’t run this blog. My lovely coblogger is far more diplomatic than I, but in my words, “You’re not the boss of me!” Enjoy!

THE CONVENTIONS of these unconventional writers, having at the time of changing their Uniform Resource Locator, expressed a wish, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of our sentiments, that necessary declaratory statements be made. To extend the ground of our confidence, in freedom of expression, we shall ensure the beneficient ends of this institution.

RESOLVED BY the authors of this weblog, in cyberspace assembled, by our distinctive yet collective viewpoints and friendship, that the following Articles be established regarding our cyberhome to all intents and purposes.

ARTICLE I: As a reader, you have the right to be amused and live vicariously through our torrid tales. That being such, you also have the freedom to click the back button on your browser. Thou shalt not make public complaint regarding the free exercise of all things brash and sassy, or our right to reciprocate any pervy comments left here by other bloggers. Readers reserve the right to email us, or to engage in a candid and upfront exchange of words. If, however, you decide to write upon your bitterness in a coveted manner, do realize that through hatred, only you perpetuate the issue, and in a most unattractive manner.

ARTICLE II: Readers retain the right to disagree with the sentiments or approach of the writers, but do understand that no matter how strong your opinion is, a substantial percentage of readers will also agree with our views. A well-rounded blogger, being necessary to the amusement and relaxation of herself and others, holds that the right of the writers, to enjoy utter decadence without harming others, is theirs to enjoy without being relegated to the status of suckdom.

ARTICLE III: Readers retain the right to peruse essays and postings that arrive at the mind’s eye in a state unspoiled by incorrect spelling, syntax, or grammar. Of course, this implicitly exempts any strategic use of such language for hyperbole, or merely to illustrate an issue in a demonstrative manner. Readers may point out such clearly flawed prose in comments or via email, and you may do so in a most teasing or even slightly unkind manner. However, the burden of proof lies on the reader to point towards a manual of style that clearly shows the grievance, provided that such misuse is not employed as a substantive or contextual device.

ARTICLE IV: Readers reserve the right to a semi-intelligent blog free of political discussion, except in the broadest of terms. This blog covers many topics, the only requisite being that we write whatever we damn well please to write upon at any given moment. This blog is a respite from the daily professional, educational, and familial responsibilities that face us all in life. As such, if you do not get it, then go write about something else.

ARTICLE V: Readers always reserve the right to read postings free from the following statements: “Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile, but I will try harder in the future. Gotta go now“….”Light posting today…as I must go eat a sandwich now”…”Okay I am still too busy to post. I hope no one has died out there. Oh and did I mention that I quit?“…or “I will be doing very important things for the next hour. Things so important, you couldn’t in a thousand years, possibly ever understand. So go read some fucking poetry, you lousy hacks.”

ARTICLE VI: Readers possess the right to find us tasteless human beings, but you also should also realize that your perception is only part of the whole. Each writer is respectably accomplished as to his chosen trade. Both writers hold JD degrees and both are mothers. One of us is a full-time professional, and the other is studying for her bar exam while decidedly maintaining her status as a design hack. We stand by our right to discuss risque or offensive subjects freely. By and large, if you should examine your own conscience, we simply speak of what many are afraid to admit. It is not our damn fault that some people are frigid, repressed, or simply threatened by humourous and pervy candor. Go get some therapy, for fuck’s sake.

ARTICLE VII: Readers retain the ultimate right to comment upon our writing in a most flattering manner, to expound upon our points via trackback, or to link Fistful of Fortnights to your own blog. Of course, you do not reserve the right to complain if we don’t reciprocate the link, as the compliment of a link should be earned by those worthy of being linked.

Picture shamelessly swiped from Chaos Theory