When the books are finally closed on Rod Blagojevich’s grubby little career, he’ll be remembered for two things. First, for being too corrupt for Illinois politics, which is like — well, it’s hard to find a comparison there. Maybe like being too vulgar for Jerry Springer, or something else so extreme that it shoots right off the end of the spectrum and enters the realm of brain-twisting paradox. But aside from rampant corruption, Blago will also be remembered for that amazing hair, a vital part of the ensemble that helped make him the most hated governor in America. And now you, too, can achieve that same pathological level of grooming, thanks to Blago hair care products. Like the man said, “It’s bleep’n golden!”

Blagojevich won’t be seeing a penny from the sales of this stuff, so you can buy it with a clear conscience. Of course, if it performs as advertised, it might make you look as if you suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder, but good — no, spectacular — grooming is never achieved without sacrifice.