Gah. Via Celebitchy comes this horrible story suggesting that Jennifer Aniston”’s meteoric descent from Brad Pitt to Vince Vaughn has finally cratered out. Apparently Jennifer and friends went to Club Citrus, where she slammed a few limoncellos (the same drink that turned Danny DeVito into a babbling, drunken wreck on The View). So far, so good. And running into K-Fed at the same club is one of those unfortunate mishaps that can mar any evening, like sitting down at the bar next to a sloppy drunk who leans over and pukes on your shoes. But chatting with FedEx for the rest of the evening? And then leaving the club with him?? The limoncello is one potent drink, but there”’s not enough alcohol in the world to make Kevin Federline seem like charming company. Maybe Club Citrus kicks up their drinks with animal tranquilizers or something.
Or maybe not. Who knows? I”’m sure we”’re all praying that this story proves to be baseless, but if this worked for K-Fed then I”’m going to start serving my dates limoncellos by the pitcherful.
2 comments
What the EFFING EFF!?!?!?
Well, it seems pretty simple to me. I am the lone (that I know of) heterosexual male in the world that wouldn’t go out of my way to tag that skank. Just has never done anything for me.
But, look – I at least recognize that every other hetero male would go out of their way to tag it. We now know that two guys from each end of the Hollywood spectrum have tossed her out on her bony ass. First, Brad realized that he was just too good looking to be around such a bring-down of a person who takes herself way too seriously. Then, Vince, who isn’t exactly in Brad’s league when it comes to looks, wakes up one morning and sees a soon-to-be hag who has gotten by on her looks for too long and realizes that those looks aren’t all that great at 6 o’clock in the morning for one of Hollywood’s A-list party boys. Call him a sleeze if you will, but he realizes that he would rather be shagging 18 year olds who don’t talk so much.
So at this point, Jen’s self-esteem is probably right around rock-bottom and guys as smarmy as Fed-ex can smell this. He’s probably even been using Brit’s money to have some of his posse secretly follow her around so he can ‘casually’ meet up with her. Then he moves in and lays it on thick: telling her how much he likes her work; how her latest movie really spoke to him and made him cry (not that he would admit that to his ‘boys’); he’ll mention she has a nice tone to her voice and she should make an album and then he’ll give her a sneak peek of a ballad version of Popozao that he’s been working on. “Oh, and by the way, you sure are looking gorgeous as ever tonight, yo.”
In short, he’ll do what other people with no talent do – attach himself to someone who does – just like he has done his whole adult life. First, he started off small with Shar but that was just to build up some street cred by hooking up with a sister while he finalized the details of his plan. Phase 2 of the plan was to get some spending money by hooking up with one of the biggest teen idols of the time. Now, it’s time for phase 3 of his master plan: acting. He needs to get into as many romantic comedies as he can in order to widen his exposure to a mainstream audience. He’ll get this by using his powers to seduce Jen for a couple of years until someone performs an intervention on her. By then, it’ll be too late for all of us. He’ll already have phase 4 well under way – Hillary.
Lord help us. I hope we haven’t found out too late just how smart he really is.
See? I told you it was simple.